Welcome to Boswell Wilkie Circus

I know..... I should've written something last week. When, for once, all the bad press came out of NZ: It all started when Sivvi had to be officially reprimanded for "klapping" his wife. Then Ali "I am the greatest" Williams got sent home from SA for having "some rough edges to sort out". I thought that would be it, but no!!! Two (completely unconvincing) bogans from Christchurch (who acknowledged that they had a history of fighting and criminal charges) then claimed they were "violently attacked" by Crusaders players Rua "Golden Gloves" Tipoki, Raleb Calph and Jake "The Muss" Paringatai the night after the Crusaders vs Chiefs game. And to make matters even worse (obviously NOT if you're a Saffa living in Auckland...) the Sharks and Bulls then sent the Blues and Crusaders packing, and in the process secured the first ever all SA final in the super 12/14! (mmmm... no wonder Deirdre was woken by my psychotic screaming, and Daniël's decision to let rip with "Hie' kommie Bokke!!" at 03h05 on a Sunday morning...... SORRY!!)

But....... You can always count on South Africa to do one better, hey!!!! In true "how to completely f*ck up something - South African style!!", I now have to put up with the whole Luke Watson vs Jake White affair again this week, instead of reading about the two best teams in the Super 14 and their preperations for the final. How typical... I am so over it!!!

Thanks to the magic of the internet, I was "fortunate" enough to listen to the John Robbie vs Oregan Hoskins interview on this side of the world. What a complete waste of 8 minutes + 11 seconds..... And no, I don't think it was just Hoskins who came across as a complete tool in that interview!
Straight after that I had to read about "Hoskins and co bringing the game into disrepute" on Keo's website.. This just made me realise (again!!!) that it's not just SARU's fault for the sorry state of affairs, but the media have to take their share of the blame in the circus that is South African rugby. And with that, can I include those of you who just jump on the bandwagon and agree with everything the media conveniently decides to spin, in order to sell more of their newspapers, generate more hits on a website, or to prove to a board of directors they have achieved x amount of listeners this week!!!!

These are the same people, who criticized Jake White during last year's Tri Nations on his team selections. Who fed him to the wolves after a 49-0 defeat against the Wallabies... Who thought it would be best for SA rugby if he was to resign or be relieved from his duties after an appalling Tri Nations campaign and consecutive defeats against Ireland and (a rubbish) England... And, now when SARU interfears, and add a player to the extended training squad, they all jump on the high horse again, and start waving the finger, saying they're surprised Jake hasn't resigned. Talk about double standards!! Last season Luke Watson sold newspapers because he didn't make the squad, this year he's selling them because he did!

I don't care what you think of Luke Watson as a person- Yes, he is arrogant. Yes, he looked like a real to$$er on the cover of SA Sports Illustrated posing as Superman, and also did himself no favours with some of his comments about Jake White in the past. He looks funny with his "toyt pantsh and toyt jersey" on the playing field. He probably doesn't own a copy of Bok van Blerk's cd, he doesn't drive a double cab "bakkie", and he'll struggle to do an aftermatch speech in Afrikaans.. But, can he play rugby? Does he deserve to be in the extended Bok training squad, at the very least?
John Robbie was quick to point out to Hoskins' remark about him being the player of '06, that "that was indeed last year, mr Hoskins, and not this year".. So, how did Luke go in this year's super 14?
According to www.testrugby.com statistics as at 15.05.2007.

(in the following order) Games played, Line breaks, Turn overs, Posession lost, Penalties conceded, Tackles made, Tries scored

L.Watson 13 28 22 6 15 100 5
J.Botes 14 12 7 10 9 133 5
P.Wannenburg 14 12 4 11 5 44 4
W.van Heerden 14 3 18 12 15 100 6
K.Floors 13 17 7 6 4 53 4
C.Grobbelaar 13 8 7 8 4 98 0
E.Joubert 13 16 9 11 14 93 2
S.Burger 13 16 14 17 14 105 0
R.Mccaw 8 12 12 8 13 72 2
M.Holah 12 4 13 5 16 94 1
R.Kankowski 12 24 5 11 5 58 1

Looks like he did ok when compared to his opposition, you experts....

Jacques Botes has had a storming Super 14 campaign, and are indeed one of the unlucky players to have missed out. I can only hope a player of his quality will be rewarded in the not so distant future. The same goes for Bradley Barritt, Derrick Hougaard and Ryan Kankowski. Funny how all the talk is about Watson, but nothing's being said about the inclusion of Eddie Andrews and Tonderai Chavanga, who hasn't even played a single game of super rugby this year. Maybe they just don't sell as many newspapers....

The problem with Watson is personal, end of story. He's not good enough to force his way into the match 22 yet, but he should at the very least be considered for the top 45.... sorry 46 now thanks to SARU.
The media's reaction, by saying they're surprised Jake hasn't resigned yet, is pathetic. Also, SARU's alleged threat that "Jake's head could roll before the World Cup if his selections don't meet their expectations" ... If you believe all of this, I feel sorry for you. SA Rugby didn't fire Jake last year, when they had a valid reason to - in other words when his results warranted action. The reason they decided to stick with Jake, is simple: MONEY! It will cost a heap!!!

I say enjoy this weekend's final if you're Sharks or Bulls fan. You guys deserve it!! But, if the first shambolic week of the Springbok set-up is anything to go by, we might be in for a very long international season.... (sigh..)

Outwit.....Outplay.....Outlast

Outwit.... Outplay..... These words have probably never been used before to describe the performance of a South African super 14 franchise against New Zealand opposition away from home...
But, that's exactly what happened last Saturday in the Blues vs Sharks match at North Harbour Stadium in Albany.

In the week before the game, Blues players were quoted saying their aim would be to make things as tough as possible for Ruan Pienaar. To prevent the exciting youngster from getting quick ball to his outside backs. Just a pity that on the night the Sharks had to go do exactly that to Steve Devine...
David Nuke 'em-fora can point the finger to Stuart "Yes, I'm a-Dick"inson and dodgy Sharks tactics for his side's shock loss, but the fact of the matter is just that his team were never allowed an oportunity to get going in the match. The Sharks defence was solid, the kicking clever - how about THAT drop kick- and the pressure outstanding. Okay, they didn't quite sustain it for the full 80 minutes, but by the time the Blues scored their first try, the damage was already done.
Nuke'em-fora also complained about Sammy Torpedo's yellow card, and only saw Johan Ackerman throwing the first punch.. Just a pity he failed to mention Nacewa's attempted elbow on Monty in the first half...

I've heard people say the Sharks have shown their hand, and will be shown up by the Chiefs this Saturday in Hamilton. It might still prove to be the case, but the Sharks have proved against (the rubbish) Reds they can score tries out wide. The Chiefs on the other hand smashed the Force last weekend, but also conceded 36 points in the process. Their defence is shaky, and dare I mention the name of Tasesa Lavea as a possible weakness? (This one will probably come back to bite me, but hey......)
It's not rocket science, but if the Sharks manage to win this one, they're a step closer to securing that home semi final. And, if the Chiefs get the win, they keep the semi final dream alive. Not bad for a team who only won 4 of their 10 games so far!!

Lastly, I guess I should say "congrats" to the Bulls for their performance at Loftus last weekend... (arrrrrrrr....) For those Stormers supporters who've been complaining about our teams' inconsitancy so far this season, don't worry: I'm sure we'll be consistant this weekend! It'll be our first consecutive defeat in the competition this season.....

Big Pik's picks for the weekend:
Crusaders
Brumbies
Cheetahs
Sharks
Highlanders
Lions (sorry, I just can't back them Bulls....)
Blues

It's now how you start, but how you finish....

I'm sure we've all heard these words before. Years ago Naas Botha was quoted saying "the Currie Cup's not won in May", and more recently after the Sharks slumped to a second defeat in so many weeks, every single rugby writer made it his or her job to point out the fact that "they might've peaked too early" or "great start, but let's see where they finish"......
Now i must say these words of wisdom by the experts got me thinking - and yes, I know it must be hard to believe a one eyed Stormers supporter is actually capable of something like that - but forget about rugby for a moment, and let's focus on the cricket world cup.

It's probably an understatment to say the Proteas haven't really been impressive so far. They arrived at the tournament as the "number one ranked team in the world" - thanks for continuously pointing that one out, Graeme Smurf - but have looked far from it. Teams have made a mockery of Polly's economy rate, Kallis has been blamed for his tortoise-like batting and they lost to Bangladesh for varks steaks!!! The lack of variety in the bowling attack has also been exposed on numerous occasions.... (Oh, and did I mention the defeat to Bangladesh by any chance???) But..... But..... But..... The scary thing however, is that South Africa are still in the competition, and haven't been knocked out yet.... Even if they have been performing poorly!

And earlier today they managed to get their campaign back on track with a vital win against the Windies. AB managed to get a big score, Kallis kept the scoreboard ticking yet again, and Gibbs and Boucher secured the big score with their flurry at the end. Of course it was by no means a flawless victory - the fact that they couldn't finish off the tail must surely still be a big headache for Mickey Arthur and his troops - but it was at least a better result than the Bangladesh match.... So, with games against New Zealand and England left to play, one victory should be enough to let them advance to the semi's.

Now, that brings me to the Black Caps. They're unbeaten, and have been really impressive so far. Fleming, Fulton, Styris, Oram and Mccullum have all contributed with the bat. Bond and Vettori have been on fire with the ball. They've brushed aside the opposition by hardly breaking a sweat. Surely they must be sitting pretty to win the whole thing! But... But... But... Let's start by looking at their remaining matches - they still have Sri Lanka, SA and Aussie left to play in the space of a week....
What if Shane Bond gets injured?
And, what happens if the top order fails to get them off to a good start... Will the middle and lower order be able to do the job? (Just go look at South Africa's 1996 world cup campaign.. in the quarter finals against the West Indies the middle and lower order failed to get the job done, probably because they didn't spend enough time in the middle during the pool matches, when the batsmen did their job....)

So, I'm really looking forward to this weekend's match between the Black Caps and Proteas. What's the saying again? "It's not how you start, but how you finish". Suppose we'll have to wait and see.

Die opgetune'de All Blacks..

Ek weetie wat die latest craze da innie Republiek oppie oomblik issie, ma hie in Kiwiland wassit mos nou "reconditioning" die laaste 3 maande gewees.....

Nou ek weet ek's partykeer seker ook ma' so geloofwaardig soos ou Jacob Zuma innie getuienisbank, ma' glo my "djou honour", as ek vi julle sê ek's lekke keelvol virrie hele "reconditioning" ding...

Dis soosie celebrities - elke tweede poephol neem ook lykkit my 'n arme bloedjie vanne 'n derde wêreld land aan! Dis asof dit die "must have" fashion accessory vannie maand is.. Selle met die onnersteuners in hierrie land! Ek meen, volgens Skaai tievie se Re-union program, dink 84% va hulle kykers reeds dis 'n "masterstroke"!!! Wow!! Dit na hulle supersterre een wedstryd gespeel het.... Ek's seker daarvan Dan Carter het daai cross-kick- na- Scott Hamilton- toe move geleer op sy oefen-(sorry reconditioning!!) kamp!!! Ek meen, hulle is after all mos nou "bigger, faster EN stronger!!" as almal.. (Ek moet sê ek het verwag Richie Mccaw gaan met 'n paar "tinted windows" en "mags" oppie veld verskyn, maar hy't vi my ma nog dieselle gelyk... maar net na 'n blerrie goeie rugbyspeler!)

Maar nou ja.... Ten minste is die supersterre terug, en ka die super 14 aangaan...

So, wat gaan gebeur hierrie naweek? Een ding wat darem 'n "banker" is, is dat die Stormers nie gaan verloor hierrie naweek nie...

Highlanders vs Cheetahs - ek hoop wraggies nie Carl Hayman het TE sterk en groot geraak op sy oefen-(sorry reconditioning!!) kamp nie...... Die Highlanders is wel die dunste NZ franchise, maar ek dink nog steeds hulle gaan die Cheetahs (blik)ore aansit... (Sorry Ivan! ek hoop julle bewys my verkeerd)

Highlanders met 7..

Force vs Sharks - Die koerante aan hierrie kant dink die Sharks het reeds "gepeak", en dat die nederlaag teen die Brumbies 'n "sign of things to come" was, maar ek dink nog steeds die Sharkies het te veel skietgoed voorlangs virrie Force. "Jetlag" behoort ook nie so 'n groot faktor te wees nie, want dis maar 'n 9 of 11 ure vlug van Jo'burg af Perth toe...

Sharks met 7.

Chiefs vs Blues - Die kenners sal wil sê dat die Blues gewoonlik sukkel teen die manne van Hamilton, maar die Blues is 'n baie beter span hierrie jaar. So maklik soos dit.... Ek sien uit na die hierrie ene: Braid, Kaino en Macdonald teen Messam, Luaki en Holah.

Blues met 12...

Hurricanes vs Bulle - Die Hurricanes is rubbish... Hoekom sê ek so?? Omdat hulle getrap is deurie Stormers...

Laasweek se oorwinning teen die Highlanders, en die feit dat dit die laaste wedstryd op toer is, behoort genoeg motivering virrie Bulle te wees. Tel daarby die feit dat die Canes moes terugvlieg van SA af, en ek sien 'n Blou Saterrag wat vi Wellington wat voorlê.... (hoekom voel ek ewe skielik so naar?)

Bulle met 9..

Waratahs vs Crusaders - Verlede jaar was die Force die vloerlap vannie kompetisie. Hierrie jaar is dit die klomp wintgatte van Sydney se beurt (jy kan sien ek's verlig die Stormers kon hulle darem wen!!) Dinge kan seker nie k@kker in Waratah land nie, maar ek kan regtig nie sien hoe hulle die Crusaders kan upset nie... Hulle mis Matt Rogers, Phil Waugh, Phil Whitaker en Dan Vickermann maar net te kwaai..

Crusaders met 15..

lekker naweek

Big Pik

Baie byt...

Oraait, die afgelope naweek was nie so goed soos laasnaweek virrie SA spanne innie super 14 nie, maar nou ja.... Die Lions het gespeel teen 'n baaaaie goeie Blues span, ennie Stormers.... Well nou ja.... Ek willie nou al my bloeddruk opja nie, so ko ons praat maar laaste oor hulle vandag......

Wat mens wel ka sê, is "Well done Sharkies"..... en seker ook da maar "Well done Bulle...." (Again, ek sal seker weer innie stort moet ga huil oor daai laaste comment vanaand....)

Sommige kenners sal seker ka moan oorie feit dat die Sharks nog nie 'n bonsupunt verwerf het na 5 rondtes nie, ma ten minste is hulle nog unbeaten! (Die enigste span innie kompetisie, op hierrie stadium, may i add!) Ek's seker daarvan die "vanne Merwe grappe va Kaapstad" sal wat wil gee vi so 'n rekord.....
En oukei, hulle het miskien'n gunstige draw hierrie jaar, maar dit veranner niks aan die feit dat hulle tot dusver actually al hulle tuiswedstryde gewen hettie. (nogge rekord waarop die outjies va Kaapstad maar net oor ka droom....) Te veel spanne bank oppie "home ground advantage" deesdae, sonner enige sukses.
Ek lees baie mense beginne al te praat vannie Sharks se opkomende Australasië toer, en "dit sal interessant wees om te sien hoe hulle vaar", ma ek dink wee die volgende twee naweke gaan vital virrie Sharks se campaign wees. Die Canes ennie Brampies lê nog voor, pappas! En dis twee wedstryde wat die Sharks kan en MOET wen. Maakie saak wat die mees stoere Canes of Brampie supporter vi jou wil laat glo nie, maar albei spanne was maar "average" gewees tot dusver hierrie seisoen. (Die Canes is after all afgeslag deurie Stormers in NZ, so enough said..... )En alhoewel die Brampies weer Vrydagaand virrie Stormers op hulle neuse laat kyk het, wonner ek net hoe op dees aarde hulle NIE die bonuspunt drie kon verwerf het teen 'n Stormers span wat omtrent so effektief oppie verdediging was as DjyPie Nel se teenwoordigheid by 'n "Help jou naaste" saamtrek....
Mortlock was op sy inspiring best teenie Stormers, maar Julian Huxley is nou maar nie Stephen Larkham nie.... (alhoewel hy verseker probeer om net soveel pleisters op te plak as Larkham...) En sorry, ma sonner Larkham impress hulle my steeds nie. (Is is dit blote toeval dat hulle sonner menere Mortlock en Larkham omtrent geen drieë kon druk nie? I think not.......)

Dan die Canes: Ek weet hulle spog met spelers soos Tana, Nonu, Conrad Smith, die opwindende David Smith en Corey Jane in hulle agterlyn, ma hulle was noggie regtig kookwater tot dusver nie....Hulle was baaaaie gelukkig om te wen teenie Brampies, en het amper danksy Mark Lawrence ook gewen teenie Force laasnaweek. Plus, het ek al genoem dat hulle opgesaag is deurie Stormers die anner dag????? En jaaa, ek weet die terugkoms va hulle All Blacks spelers gaan 'n verskil maak voorlangs, maar dit kan reeds dalk al 'n geval wees va "too little, too late".... (weet ook noggie wanneer Jerry en co hulle actual terugkeer ga maakie.... Dalk feature hulle nog nie eers teenie Sharks nie?) Ek weetie hoekom nie, maar ek dink net die Sharks behoort hulle te klap hierrie naweek... (sorry Smittie: ek mag dalk sopas die "curse of Big Pik" op julle gesit het.....)

Da moet ek seker ook iets (nice) sê oorie Bulle........ Kyk, virre span wat traditionally nervous en homesick raak tydens die busrit vannie hotel na Loftus toe oppe Saterrag, om back to back oorwinnings in Aussie te behaal, moet ek seker maar sê welgedaan..... Net jammer DjyPie het (weereens) 'n breindood oomblik beleef. Sy skorsing van 3 wedstryde ka julle dalk nog duur te staan kom oorie volgende paar weke...

Die Lions is ook terug moeder Aarde toe gebring na hulle nederlaag teenie Blues. Dit was nou soos ou Jake sê 'n geval va "matrics against std 6'ers"... Ek's baie verras met hulle resultate tot dusver, maar ek's net bang hulle wiele kom nou af.. Hierrie naweek lê die Chiefs ook nog vi hulle en wag, en ongelukkig issie Chiefs due 'n wen virre slag.. Ek ka maar net hoop die jong, onbekende Leeus kruip nie nou in hulle dop, en dat die Cats wee hulle verskyning maak virrie res vannie toernooi nie.....

Die Cheetahs issie SA span (naas die Stormers natuurlik) wat my die meeste bekommer oppie oomblik. Die nederlaag teenie Crusaders, ennie gelykop uitslag teenie Chiefs het Rassie ennie manne kwaai seergemaak.. Hulle oorsese toer lê ook nog voor....

Dan laaste kom ons byrrie Stormers.... Hulle is die span wat nuwe betekenis aan die woord "inconsistent" gee tot dusver (vi nogge jaar!!!!) Ek is seker ou Kobus moet maar saam met my begin werk soek.. (alhoewel ek hom nie vir alles sal blameer nie.. Hier moet die spelers ook hulle hanne 'n slag opsteek!) Daar's groooot fout in daai hele setup!
Ek voorspel egter die volgende sal gebeur hierrie week: Die media wat vi Kobus, Luke en co (met reg!!) 'n harre tyd wee gee.. Kobus wat sê "we're going back to basics".... Jean, of een of anner mede superster innie backline wat vi almal wil vertel "alles is noggie verlore nie", of "die gees is fantasties", "ons hoop om ons onnersteuners trots te maak".. Dan Saterrag verras hulle maar weer vriend en vyand en laat sê die Waratahs les op... en dan's Kobus maar weer "safe" vir nogge 'n week... Ongelukkig sallit nie wees omdat hulle uiteindelik hulle vinger uit hulle you-know-what getrek het nie, maar net omdat die Waratahs nog meer innie k@k assie Stormers oppie oomblik is.. Hulle mis vi Matt Rogers, Phil Waugh en Dan Vickermann.. Tiquiri se mindgames mettie ARU help ook nie juis nie, en lyk my hulle supporters het ook vinnger moed opgegee assie Stormers s'n, na hulle geploeter teenie Force ennie Bulle..... En, dan dink die Stormers hulle het dinge moeilik..

cheersie
ek-bly-ongelukkig-nog-allie-pad-'n-Stormer Pik

Dear Daairie......

Kobus vanne Merwe - a.k.a "Super Coach":

Dear Daairie,
Ek's effe bekommerd vandag.. Vroulief het laat weet die videomasjien het gisteraand gebreek, en sy weetie of sy hierrie Sondag die 7de Laan omnibus vir my kan tape nie. Agge nee!! Ek kan mos onmoontlik nie my gunsteling program mis nie!! Maar nou ja..... "always look at the bright side, i suppose...." Dis seker darem ook nie die einde vannie wêreld nie... Ek meen, ek kon 'n mislukking as 'n coach gewees het, met 'n misrabele rekord soos 4 uit 17....

Bolla "pass the dutchie" Conradie

Dear Daairie,

Coach sê "express yourself", en ons moet net aanhou ons natural game speel op hierrie toer. So, dalk kan ons hierrie naweek my dubbel-trippel-dissie-juis-vi-iemand-in-besonder-nie skiep pass probeer!! Ek werk al lank aan daai ene! Oooh, as hy actually gaan afkom, gaan dit seriously spectacular lyk.....

Jean "butterfingers" de Villiers

Dear Daairie,

Vandag was baie tough... Nie net het ek 'n "bad hairday" gehad nie, coach het my ook nog 14h00 laat opstaan om te rapporteer by die oefenveld.. Ek moet sê, ek het eers gedink hy joke met my!! I mean, come on!! Ek's 'n Springbok!!! Vi wat moet ek my tyd mors met oefeninge??? Maar, nou ja..... Ek het toe maar op die ou einde besluit om te gaan. Bolla het hierrie hiper cool skiep move aan ons verduidelik wat ons beslis die naweek wil probeer... Maar, ag wat... Dalk het ons dit nie eers nodig nie, ek hoef dalk net weer 'n onnerskep drie te druk....

Lost

Howzit peepilz!!!

Just in case we haven't spoken to each other in a while: "Happy, New Year!!!" I really hope your favourite rugby team(s) will provide you with happy memories in 2007. (please note: this obviously does NOT apply to you Blue Bull supporters out there... Gmf... Did you really think "to be nice" were one of my new years resolutions??????)

I have to say one thing I have noticed now that the holiday season is officially something of the past, is the return of my favourite tv programs at night on the telly. And all of that got me thinking a bit: With all the drama (and sometimes comedy!) in SA Rugby, it really does remind me of television sometimes....

The Bulls remind me of Shortland Street: Sure, the story line is predictable, the acting is cr@p, and the whole setup just makes you cringe at the best of times, BUT it's popular... And even if you do watch an episode here and there, you'll never ever admit that to your mates in public.
So, how about the Bulls on the rugby field? You KNOW they'll drive it up 5 metres from the line... You know they'll play the Blue Bull song over and over again.... You know Gary Botha and Victor Matfield can't do an interview in English.... But, even if they are better than Western Province, you'll NEVER admit to that in public!!!!

Next up are the Cheetahs. They're like a really "feel good", "cheesy" program. Something like Ugly Betty... Let's face it: Betty's not really what you can call a hottie, but she's a hard worker, and has "such a nice personality"....
The Cheetahs aren't the flashiest team in the world and their players aren't exactly known for their lucrative modelling contracts off the field. They are, well..... just rugby players!! But 3 consecutive Currie Cup finals in 3 years isn't something we take lightly in the Republic... And, who'll ever forget the "come from behind victory against the Bulls in 2005? If that's not "feel good", I don't know!!!

The Lions remind me of Prison Break... "What could possibly go wrong next????" Even if Schofield manages to dodge a bullet during this week's episode, you just know trouble will be not too far away....
On paper the Lions look a bit on the thin side. Serious injuries to their key players, Andre Pretorius and Jaques Fourie, and they're in deep trouble. And let's face it: Those two have been plagued by injury lately, so Lions fans already expect the worst.......

The Sharks, with SA rugby's "forgotten boys", Bob Skinstad and Percy Montgomery, remind me of Boston Legal. Or, let's rather say James Spader and William Shatner in particular. Both actors made a very memorable and succesful comeback with the show. For Bobby's sake I hope his comeback isn't as embarrassing as Sly Stallone's latest instalment of Rocky..........

And then, of course, we have my beloved Stormers. They remind me of the season finale(s) of Lost.... So much promises before hand of "all your questions will be answered, or "this is the one you've been waiting for", but at the end of it, you just feel more and more confused, and if you really think about it: absolutely nothing happened!! What a disappointment!!!

I really hope you don't disappointment me this year, Stormers!!!

cheersie
Big Pik

Ek het julle nou genoeg gedra....

Oy, Jake!

Don't worry: Ek gaanie soosie res va hulle vinger wys oor julle defense laas naweek nie.... Want, let's face it: da WASSIE FAKKA defense nie!!!

Maar, ek's seker weer te taf op julle... Of course is daar "a lot of positves we can take from this defeat"..... 2 jaar terug het julle naelskraap verloor teenie Paddies, hierrie keer is ons behoorlik afgeransel! Ten minste kan niemand sê Bok rugby stagneer nie...

Ek wonner maar net WAT presies julle gedoen het op daai "oefenkamp" nourriedag? Jy weet, die een na die Tri Nations.. As ek julle nou moet judge na Saterrag se fiasko, glo ek egter nie daar's veel rugby gepraat op daai kamp nie.... Nee wat: glo eerder Habana en Jeanius het ure oppie internet spandeer om te check wa die hot spots in Parys, Nice of Biarritz is om uit te hang vlge jaar innie World Cup, i.p.v om te worry oor verdedigingslyne, etc, etc....

Ten minste het Ricky Januarie daai ekstra spietkopklasse waarop jy hom gestuur het, ernstig opgeneem!! Kyk, hy kan darem nou vi jou behoorlik waai met sy arms om vi sy forwards (ennie opposition for that matter...) te beduie wa presies die bal lê... Dis tog vi my net so hartseer da was omtrent nooit 'n voorspeler in sig wat hom ko help ommie rucks skoon te maak nie.... Nee: jy glo mos net in ball carrying losvoorspelers!! Die val toe behoorlik oor mekaar se voete, om betyds terug te wees, ommie " bal te dra" vi jou.... Die gevolg is/was dan 'n turnover, of super starrige bal vi ons backs.....Note to Joke: Jy kannie 'n ball carrier wees sonner die ball in jou hanne nie, jou doo$"......

Ma' oukei, genoeg gegil oor die Ierland toets..... Wat help dit ook ek raas? Jy mosse eks-onnerwyser, en julle's mos nooit verkeerd nie.....

Komende Saterrag issit wee julle ennie Twickenham-faktor... Al wat ek ka sê is "STERKTE". Argentinië het jou ookie juis favours gedoen met hulle upset victory nie... Ek's ma' net bly ek's nie mee in London nie.... Cabbage Patch en Rugby Tavern da naby Twickenham sou weer baie bier aan my moes verkoop het ommie pyn minner te maak... En, text my ma' die score, want ek gaan ook nie moeite doen om op te staan virrie toets nie.... (jaaa, jy't reg gehoor, ou Joke...)

Ek sluit af met 'n paar van my gunsteling Jake'isms hierrie week:
"Brian only had 5 days to settle into the squad"....... mmmmmmmm..... snaaks hoe 'n speler wat al 2 jaar lank deel vannie set up is, nie genoeg tyd gehad het nie.... Ironies genoeg het Argentinië net 4 dae se voorbereiding nodig gehad om vi Engeland op te neuk....
"We're lacking height in the back 3"......... beteken dit ons gaan vi Johan Ackermann dalk op fullback sien hierrie week? Nee, dis absurd: dit sal beteken jy kies 'n speler uit posisie.....
"We're working towards winning the World Cup next year"....... ooops, dit wassie jy nie, dit was Graham Henry wat dit gesê het....

tjars
Big Pik

"Hy's net 'n dronk pampoen......"

Ai, wassit nie lekker omme slag biejie laaif Karrie Kap rugby te kykkie!!! Ek en Vlammie was behoorlik opgesaaik, en opgewonne!! Klokslag 01h30 Sondagoggend skakel Sky se Rugby Channel mos toe oor Moftus Versfeld toe.. Laf-lie blue skies wat ons begroet, mette volgepakte stadion!! AAah, rugby-voetbal innie Republiek.... Good times!!
Dit het egter net 5 sekondes geduur om my te laat besef hoekom ek gewoonlik spuitpoep ontwikkel as jy die woorde "blou" en "bul" mix innie selle sentence....
First up was Pretoria se trots: the one, the only - Steve Dofmeyer!!!!!! "Daarsy, lekker....mense!! Sing saam, julle almal ken hierdie ene!" begin hy... Net jammer Stevie het nie besluit om liefs te "mime" terwyl sy "The best of" cd oorie luidsprekers blêr nie! Steve, so bietjie advies: AS jy weer 'n gig by Loftus kry (en let's face it, hy SAL, want daar's niemand anners wat verniet daar wil optree nie!!!!), ennie Red Hearts is oppie huis, moet jy net pace ou grote!! Help nie jy vergryp jouself aanie free alkoholiese nibbles nie! Die eindresultaat sal weer net presies dieselle wees as laas Saterrag: Jy wat vals en vannie beat af traai karaoke op jou eie faktap song, net om innie middel va jou effort te besef dis ma beter om eerder te mime!!! (use it, don't use it....)

Maar: volpunte aanie Blou Bul rugby-unie!! Ek kannie sê dit was nie entertaining nie. Ook, die "personal touch", om Steve se naam op sy trui te sit... How original and innovating!!!! Dit het seker gehelp later die aand toe ou Steve nie meer in staat was om sy naam te kan onthou nie.....

But, after all was daar actually rugby gespeel Saterragmirrag op Moftus! Ek hoor sommige Province supporters is unhappy met Marius Jonker se hantering vannie game... "Waar wassie geel kaarte virrie Bulle se repeated offenders?"... "Hoeveel keer het hy hulle nie gewaarsku nie?" Kom nou ouens, moenie so ongevoelig wees nie!!! Dalk het Gary en co bloot nie verstaan wat hy bedoel het nie! Ek meen, Gary het sy victory speech in Afrikaans gedoen na die tyd, so dalk verstaan hy/hulle nie die Engels so lekker nie....

Maar, ons moet seker congrats sê virrie Bulle.... Die beter span het gewen oppie dag... (oukei, sal weer innie stort huil vanaand oor daai comment...)

So, dit bring ons by komende Saterrag se finaal: Dit kom nou seker as 'n massive shock vi julle almal, maar ek hoop die Cheetahs trek hom deur!! Of dit egter moontlik gaan wees, weet ek nie so lekker nie....

But, for what it's worth: Prooooooooooooooovince!! Die Karrie Kap kom weeeee!

"Yo Big Pik - I did it!!"

Ja, chaaina!! I did it!! 21 - 20 was good enough to convince the idiotic SA public and media we're on the way to win the World Cup! Whoohoo!!
All I had to do, was to ask at the press conference: "Name the 1 team who has beaten the AB's on two occasions over the last year?"...... (note to self: remember to thank Smittie for helping me remind the public and media about that one...)

I mean, it's not as if Rodney Snot-Koala gifted us with 10 points.. Or, their line out codes were hard to crack.... Or, as if they had the Tri Nations wrapped up ages ago.... Come on!! SA rugby supporters should be greatful for the win!

Pik, you asked me to change the team, and I delivered. Ok, the fact that injuries forced my hand, and I had no choice left but to call on Pedrie and AJ, doesn't matter.... They played really well, but I honestly can't tell you if they'll be included in the squad for the end of year tour. As you know, I don't just hand out Bok blazers! It's bloory expensive!! What about the injured stars, Pedrie and AJ had to replace at such short notice?? Danie Rossouw will be back to full fitness in a couple of weeks, and I know what he has to offer as a loose forward.. I mean, can AJ play lock? Plus, I was tempted to play Albert at 7 in Pretoria the other week. I read somewhere he played flank for Griquas in 1997...

The catch phrase of the week, is "CONTINUITY", Big Pik!! Remember!! And that's exactly why I decided to pick Wynand completely out of position for this weekend's game. He was part of the winning team last weekend, so he deserves to start again tomorrow!! So what if he's playing out of position?? Just be glad Os recovered in time from his injury....
I mean, just to show everyone who's boss, and to mess a little bit more with him, I asked Brent Russell to join the squad in the beginning of the week. But I knew from the start I didn't really feel like including him in the team. So, we released him again yesterday, and he'll be playing Currie Cup rugby instead this weekend. I mean, why play him?? Has he ever scored a try for the Boks at wing?? Or, has he ever ripped the Aussie defence apart before? ?????? After all: Making him stay behind class seemed to have done the trick, 'cause Breyten had a haircut and I've decided to include him instead...
Now, I've included that Pietersen laaitie as well this week... I'm a bit nervous, 'cause I know what we have in Percy at fullback, you know... I hope he is half as good as you keep telling me!!

Ok, gotta run ou Pik... I have to make my way to a press conference now. I've decided to try a different approach this week, to unrattle the Wallabies: Think I'll tell the press that "we're going to target them up front".....

Your coach
Joke

Dertigduisend 5 inne ry!!!!!

Hi Joke,

Jissie, ou grote!!! Hoe voellit om te kan sê "ons het hom!!!" I trust a congratulations is in order? Ek moes innie argiewe gaat krap het om te sien wanneer laas ons die "dertigduisend 5 inne ry" gewen het!! Apparantly wassit laas innie 60's wat die Bokkies 5 inne ry verloor het... Well done, bra!! Ek glo virre coach wat lief is ommie stats aan te haal op perskonferensies, is hierrie seker die altemit!! (note to Jake: Selfs nie eers Dolfie het 5 inne ry verloor nie.... Miskien moet jy ook maar die manne laat poedelnakend in damme rondhardloop...)

Ek willie op jou begin gil nie, maar ek weetie meer WAT om vi jou te skryf, bloot om jou net te oorreed om jou maaind te tjains nie!!! Wanneer gaat JY agterkom dit help nie om die hele mirrag dryfings te probeer speel teenie All Blacks nie... Ek meen, vat nou maar 'n leaf uit Nelly Furtarded se boek: Sy't agtergekom dissie meer cool om "like a bird" rond te vlieg nie, en het besef al hoe sy haar dodgy stembande verder gaan kan bemark, is om ook maar soos 'n skamelgeklede staatstmatras oppie tievie rond te spring soosie res va hulle..... Daarmee bedoel ek nou NIE Jacques Cronje moet sy klere begin uitttrek as ons die National Anthem sing voorie game nie, ek bedoel eintlik net jy moet so bietjie ons tactics hersien!!!! Hel, is dit werklik so ingewikkeld??

En, yes, ek weet: "know me before you judge me", maar as jy aan depressie lei, of verslaaf is aan P, of alkoholiese versnapperinge, moet jy met iemand beginne praat daaroor!! Jy raak net weirder, en weirder byrrie dag!!! Jy sê nog laasweek Solly is die beste 6 innie land, maar jy haal hom vannie veld af na net 47 minute.... Wow!! Ruan issie beste skrumhalf innie land (and so say all of us...), maar hy kry 15 minute op fullback? Onthou, hy's R-U-A-N, en nie G-Y-S-I-E Pienaar nie!! Wat's next??? Brent Russell wat uitdraf op loskopstut, of JP Pietersen wat sy debuut maak op agsteman??

Ek weetie meer nie, Joke..... As julle Saterrag weer dieselle prut opdis teenie Blackies, laat jy my geen keuse nie...Ek en Daniël het solank die vorms beginne invul, ons dink daaraan om aan te sluit by Pt Zef se skaakklub, alhoewel hulle sê daar's lekkerder chicks byrrie dambord klub.... Julle laat ons geen keuse meer nie... 'n Grap isse grap, maar jy maakie 'n sambreel inne man se hol oopie... Jy's nie die een wat 01h00 oppe Sondagoggend moet luister na TJ, Mexted en Grant Nisbitt se kommentaar nie... Jy hoef ookie te hoor hoe Doug Howlett vir TJ tydens rustyd vertel "hy glo nie die Bokke kan 'n drie druk van 'n set move af nie".... Dissie so lekker nie!!!

So, ek smeek jou: Sluk jou pride, erken jou mistakes, en for five six: Tjaains jou game plan!!!!

Tjars

Big Pik

Luke, I'm not your father....

Dear Big Pik,

Eish, how unlucky were we last Saturday against the Wannabees?? I tell you, Pik: if only Percy had his kicking boots on..... But, not to worry!! I made him write out 10 000 times "I will never miss another kick in front of the sticks", plus he had to sit in the corner of the airplane on our way home, as his punishment!! Hopefully that taught him a lesson or two!!

Again, there are alot of positives we can take from our effort in Sydney!!! To start with:Wynand broke the world record (previously held by Yevgeny Knocknikov from Kazhakstan)for the quickest handling error in a test match!! (It only took him 1.0158 seconds to knock on, whereas Knocknikov took 9.0354 seconds!) We also managed to score some points against Australia, and, we actually scored 2 tries!!! What more can our supporters ask for, hey??

So, now we're back in the Republic! Alistair, Gert, Peter and I had a good chat about the tour in Aussie and NZ, and decided to make some changes to the squad: Relax, no wholesale changes!! Just some fine tuning! Remember, I've done enough experimenting so far this season... Breytie desperately needed a haircut, so I decided to release him... Jaco told me he needed to gain back his confidence, and expressed his desire to play some flowing, unstructured, running, winning rugby again, so I released him to go join the Bulls......

And yes: I heard your call to include Pienaar, so I delivered!! But, to be honest, I initially picked his dad, Gysie (he's a bit more experienced, you know...) to join us, but he told me he retired 22 years ago.. Remember Pik, I don't just hand out Bok caps...... Francois Pienaar wasn't interested in making a comeback either, so, in the end I had to opt for the young Pienaar... I just hope he's half as good as you say he is!!! Is he a record breaker/holder like Wynand? Can he sing like Eddie? Can he warm a bench like Shimmie, and can he carry a tackle bag like Brent Russell?? Only time will tell, I guess....

Ok, time for me to sign off, chaaina.. I still have 253 unread e-mails to attend to.. The next one in line is from Nick Mallett, nogals!!! What the hell do you think he wants from me??? my job?? (Hehehehe... note to self: never complain about the prices of tickets in public!) Oh well, e-mail says nothing really... He only attached the following link: www.picklukewatson.co.za .......

Keep it real

Jake

Whacko Jake-o...

Jis Jake,

Ek het maar gedink ek wag tot jy jou span bekend maak vir Saterragaand se toets voor ek iets sê hierrie week.... Maar maggies, ek kannie meer stilbly nie! Ouboet, ek vra maar nou die vraag wat die hele SA wil eintlik wil vra, maar te bang is, net omdat hulle nie sulke goeie vrinne soos ek en jy issie: Bra, het jy, Gertjie, Alistair en daai Pieter Jooste 'n "P-lab" beroof toe julle in Wellington was??? Want dinge lyk vi my bietjie deurmekaar as ek so na julle utilatings, beslissings luister!!! Of, is jy op enige medikasie waarvan ons nettie weet nie????

Ek verstaan as jy sê Eddie "add value" met sy pragtige sangstem!! Maar, hoekom het julle hom nie aangehits om eerder in te skryf vi NZ Idol, terwyl julle hier in NZ was die anner week nie??? Ek het Sondagaand so geloer na die 18 finaliste, en dissie juis iets om oor huis toe te skryf nie!!! Eddie kon gewen het!!! Maar nee... In plaas va oornag veranner inne pop aai-ril, moet ek nou sien hy't eerder geskuif vannie vasskopkant vannie skrum, na die loskop toe.... Ja, nee!! Dit maak sin!! Ek dag da hy's ons number 1 number 3??? (volg jy?) En ou Os moet nou so baie rugby speel, ek sal hommie kwalik neem as hy sy naam na hierrie trippie veranner na Op du Randt nie..... (en there I was under the impression julle gaat hom in watte toedraai vi volgende jaar se world cup.... )
en Jaco is ook wee oppie bench.. Ga hy vi ons die game probeer wen mette dropgoal vanuit sy kwartgebied uit?? Eish!! Darem jammer Paul Honiss het nie geval virrit nie! Ek meen, dit het sooooooooo genuine gelyk!! En, sy tantrum na die tyd, plaas hom seker in lyn virre Oscar hierrie jaar!! Laat my partykeer wonner wat hulle actually maak as hulle veronnerstel is om te oefen....

Maar, oukei.. Ekkit seker nou genoeg gemoan... Ek sal eerder nie die feit noem dat da nie plek oppie bench is vi Brent Russell of JP Pietersen nie... Hel, hulle het ka seker nou behoorlik duiksakke ronddra na die 5 weke in Aussie en NZ.....
Ten minste het Danie Coetzee 'n spier getrek toe hy yskas toe gestap het om vi jou 'n bier te loop fetch....

Oukei, tyd vi my om te groet.. Hoop dit gaan oukei Saterragaand... Ek sal my seker ma weer moet oorgee aanie Speights teen halftyd....

ps - Province wen nog steeds... Luke het al weer gescore, en lei die mannetjies baie mooi! Ma, dit weet ons mos nou al lankal al...
Ek lees ook jy sê "jy's nie geworry oor Percy se skoppe nie.... Great stuff!!! Ruan het die anner dag ma 5 uit 10 geskop teenie Bulle, so ek's seker hy's NET wa jy soek!!

Big Pik

The Brisbane 49'ers...

Dear Big Pik,

Sorry it's taken me so long to reply to your letters. Just that I've been super busy lately, with all the planning, etc I have to put into the Boks' game plan, on a weekly basis, you know.....

So.... Saturday night was a bit of an unexpected mishap... No need to panic, though! Just a bad night at the office! You can't expect to win every test match, I say! I keep trying to convince those fools in the media, that there are indeed some positives we as a team can take from our effort in Brisbane! To start off with: We turned up on time for the match! Also, I think we looked a lot smarter and sharper in or track suits, than the Wallabies for instance! Our singing of the National anthem, also has to be applauded! People ask me what Danie Coetzee, Eddie Andrews and Albert van den Bergh are doing in the squad. Just listen to them sing, I tell you!!! You can't underestimate the value of a good singer in test match rugby these days! It's where it all starts!! You can't win without a decent singer. That's the key to winning the world cup!

And, that bloody Paul Honiss!! I mean, surely the dumb SA public will continue to blame HIM if our team performs dismally on the day!!! Come on, he robbed us in 2004 against the Irish, and I'm pretty sure if I keep reminding Joe Public about that, they'll let me off the hook! (note to self: remind Smittie to have a go at him at the next press conference... again!)
I tell you, Pik, those bloody vultures in the media aren't making it easy for me! Again I have to listen to "how dirty we are". I mean, they mention the incident when Ricky put his fingers in Stirling's mouth... I'll tell you in my best Jeppe English, Ricky assured me he washed his hands before the start of the match!! What more can I say?? I am not the coach of a dirty rugby team!! I won't stand for that!! Personal hygiene is a priority for us!!

o ja, before I forget: I've made sure all newspapers are banned from our hotel, so I don't have a clue as to what happened over the weekend in the Currie Cup. (If they can't say anything postive about us, why the hell buy the bloody newspapers, I say!!) Scores, ou Pik? I sure as hell hope that Watson laaitie didn't play another blinder.... He's not exactly making things easy for me, you know.... So, I hope Province got pumped at Newlands!!! All this talk about Watson is making me mad, ou Pik! And, again the monsters in the media seem to remember every bloody comment I've made so far... The last one that came back to haunt me, is the fact that "he's too small for international rugby". Dêmmit, I was as surprised as you to see he weighs a bit more than Solly in the newspaper the other day! How the hell was I supposed to know that!! So, when we arrived in Brisbane, I decided it's time to fix that!! I put Solly on an intense conditioning program (hence the reason he didn't "featcher" in Brisbane) He's been at Hungry Jacks every day so far!! And, it's paying off: The guy's picked up about 5 kgs already! We'll show them!!! He's going to be my "secret weapon" against the Blackies!

Ok, chaaina, time for me to sign off. Loads to do still before Saturday's test match! And, of course I still remember about the tickets! Funny thing, I even have 40 extra tickets available now! Seems like some of the old toppies on the organised supporters' tours, decided to cancel the Wellington trip... Can you believe it?
Oraait, I'll see you in the hotel lobby then on Saturday morning. Remember to bring that video!!

Best Regards
Jake Shyte

SPIESiaal vi jou.....

Liewe Jake,

Jis ou, hoe lyk dinge? Kry jy my briewe? Als nog oraait da bo in Brisbane? Ek hoop nie die Gold Coast is TE lekker, ennie manne lê weer net heeldag oppie strand nie.... Jis, ek hoop julle bly darem inne grênder hotel assie Backpackers waar ek en Liefie gebly het laasjaar!! So, vanne hool het ek laanklaas gesien!! (en, onthou ek's va Kraaifontein af!) Ma', vi $15.50 per nag, wat het ons verwag..... Maar, wat praat ek als: SARU kyk mos darem mooi na julle groot menere!

So, gepraat va SARU:Ek hoor hulle willie jou kontrak nou al verleng nie.. Moettie worry nie, ou pel: Dit gebeur mettie beste van ons, trust my!! My huidige werk het ook einde Januarie maand besluit om nie my temp kontrak te verleng nie, en ek was net so upset!! Dis darem 'n klap inne mens se gesig, ne!! Maar, hulle't ook gou agtergekom hulle't my meer nodig, as ek vi hulle nodig gehad het, en whoops whalla.... Ek's nog steeds hierso!! My ma sê mos altyd: "maak jouself irreplacable!!" Dag ek dra sommer net so bietjie vannie Ouvrou se raad oor aan jou....

Anyways...
Ek skryf maar net om julle sterkte toe te wens vi moreaand se game!!!
Dis vi my darem so interessant om na al die comments innie koerante te luister.. Sal darem lekker wees as julle, na julle heel week gesê het julle gaanie Wannabees net voorlangs target, besluit "bogger dit!!!", en hulle verras ommie bol bietjie wyd te speel... Hel, dis darem nie asof ons bietjie variety kort in ons spelpatroon oppie oomblik nie.... Ek meen, die Aussies dink darem ookie julle's breindood nie.....
Maar ag wat, ek sê weer... Wat weet ekke nou?
Sê vi spEISH, ek sê hy moet lekker speel, so ook Aikona!

O ja: ek het amper vegeet om te noem!! Julle was seker al op pad Aussie toe, so jy sou dit nie kon sien op Supersport nie: Province het laas Saterrag die Bulle gewen!! Op Loftus nogals!! 15 - 10 wassie eindtelling. Apparantly het Luke gekook....Ek moet ook maar wag virrie replay hierrie Woensdagaand oppie Rugby Channel, ma' Daniël het gesê hy sallit vi ons tape!! Dan sal ekkit sommer vlge Saaragoggend vi jou bring byrrie hotel in Wellington, as ek ons toetskaartjies kom optel. (jy onthou mos daam nog jy't my 2 tickets belowe, of hoe?)

Goed ou vrind, ek moet afsluit!!
Alles vannie Bokste!!!

Big Pik

Luke here, Jake!!

Oy, Jake, hoesit!

Ek hoor jy was bietjie London toe gewees hierrie week!! Vertel, vertel, hoe wassit gewees?? Het jy 'n cab gevang van Heaf-frou af, of het jy sommer oppie tube gespring, saam met die res vannie tourists?
Wat het jy als gemaak daai kant? Het jy die view vannie stad bekyk da uit die Eye uit, of was jy Madame Tussaud's toe? Of bietjie tennis ga kyk by Wimbledon? Dalk het jy 'n belangrike meeting gehad mettie Queen?? Ek meen, om so skielik die week voorie Tri Nations afskop, op te skiet London toe (va alle plekke!!), daarmee ook die bekendmaking vannie squad te delay mette paar dae, MOET dit seker iets belangrik gewees het, of hoe!! mmm..... Ma, ek hoop jy't dit geniet! We'll agree to disagree, ma' London issie my most favourite holiday destination nie... Dis te gejaagd en alles is hopelessly overpriced..

Ma' om terug te kom by die eintlike rede hoekom ek vi jou skryf!: Ek hoor toe vanoggend oppie draadloos da's 4 nuwelinge in jou squad. Ek het gehoop 2 van hulle was Schalk Brits, en Luke Watson, maar tensy my disleksie verswak het innie afseisoen, spel mens nie Schalkie se naam "Danie Coetzee" nie, en ookie Luke s'n as "Solomiza Tybillika" nie.... Jy moet my ma' reghelp ou grote, want ek sukkel ma' met die groot woorde, jy weet dit mos!!

Ma', Jake, ek is geworry!! Jy's besig om foute te maak, ou chaaina! Vi jarre het die mense van Snor City vi jou gesing "Makie Bulle almal Bokke", ma' nou't jy die kat lykkit my heelemal aanie stert beet!! Gary Botha issie Bulle se haker, nou al vi meer as twee seisoene lank al, en nie Danie nie!!!!!!!! Hy's einde laasjaar al Engeland toe!! Hy sit deesdae oppie bench vi London Irish, en nie mee virrie Bulle nie!!! Maar, oukei: jy soek mos 'n backup haker wat KEN va oppie bench sit!!

Nog 'n boggerop, is Aikona Ndungane!! Ek moan nie oorie feit lat hy innie squad issie, nee glattie!! Hy is miskien nou nie so "versatile" soos Andre Snyman en Gaffie nie, en kan slegs vleuel speel en drieë druk, maar, net vi in case jy nie geweet het nie, hy't 'n tweeling boetie, Odwa, wat virrie Sharks speel! Hy's OOK 'n vleuel, ma' net 'n linkervleuel, en nie regs, soos sy boetie nie. Eish, weet dit klink confusing, ma nou laat jy die anner ene na die "Odwa out" voel, deur hom nie te kiesie.... (hahaha, Hoop jy vang dit... niks soos 'n bietjie humor tussen ou vrinne nie, of hoe?)


Oraait, Jake, laaste paar dinge wat ek wil weet, voor ek afsluit: Waas Pedrie?? Is hy weggelaat omdat hy noggie daai "oukei, Victor, ek gaan jou nou van agter-af help oorie lyn stoot" move bemeester het soos Jacques Cronje nie??? Laas toe ek gecheck het, het dit ook nie eers meer virrie Bulle gewerkie...
Waas Ruan?? Hoekom het jy hom uitgelaat?? Issit sy eyebrows?? Of, moet hy ook beginne blou tokse dra, soos Fourie "ek gaan skree!!" du Preez?? Pienaar was maar net die most exciting SA backline player gewees innie super 14..... Hy kan alles doen wat Ricky en Fourie kan doen, net beter... Hy kan pale toe skop, en sal beter vaar op flyhalf as Jaco EN Andre Pretorius...
Maar, sorry ou pel... Wat weet ekke nou....

Groetnis
Pikke

Die vloek vannie Bok coach...

Oraait, Jake se honeymoon is well en truly over..... In 2004 kon hy nie 'n voet verkeerd sittie... Die champagne het gevloei, ennie media en SA rugbypubliek het die grond aanbid waarop ou Jake geloop het... Kom 2005 en ons het nou wel nie die Tri Nations titel defend nie, maar oorwinnings oor die Blackies en Wannabees het hom nog laat rustig slaap snags.. Ek meen, hoekom nie?? Virre slag is ons nie verneder teenie Tri Nations teenstanders nie!!
Oukei, so nou's ons in 2006, en na 1 warmup teenie World 15, klink dit vi my of alles defnitief nie meer so hunky dory issie.... Joe Public kritiseer sy selections, en as ek so na Jake se uitlatings innie media luister, klink hy vi my al klaar nervous... En dit nog voor ons die eerste ware international gespeel het, ou Jake???

Ommie Bokke coach te wees issie 'n joke nie.... Jy kan maar weet daar is 40 miljoen ouens wat glo hulle kanne beter job as JY doen, ennie SA supporters en media is maar 'n moeilike lot om gelukkig te hou.... Een week is jy hero, anner week 'n zero!! So, kom ons kyk na Jake se voorgangers, en kyk na vannie flaters wat hulle begaan het. Take note, Jake!!

John Williams: Die eerste man innie hotseat na allie jare van isolasie... Oppie Bokke se end of year toer in '92, het hy game breakers soos Phillip Schutte en Botha Rossouw ingesluit innie Bokspan.. Voorwaar 'n schutterende keuse gewees, glo ek.... Anyways, John het nie lank gehou nie...
Gerrie Sonnekus: Oukei, hy't nooit officially die job aanvaar weens "persoonlike redes" nie, maar hy was officially aangewys assie coach... Miskien wassit nog die baggage van 1974, toe hy moes skrumskakel speel teenie Britse Leeus....
Ian Macintosh: Mac het nooit genoeg kans/tyd gekry nie... Na die series loss teenie AB's in '94 (in NZ nogals...) is hy die boot gegee.. Miskien was hy te Engels...
Kitch Christie: wyle Kitch issie man wat vir ons die Webb Ellis trofee besorg het....
Andre Markgraaff: Aaah, die comeback king.... Die man wat die golden boy, Francois Pienaar gedrop het... "f..n Pienaar!! f..n Mlluleki George!! f..n nou genoeg gehad vannie f..n heel gemors!" Ai, toe gaan staan en vang sy tjomma Andre Bester hom so...... Maar, Markies het return assie vise president van SARFU oppe kol... DIT wil gedoen wees!!! Ek persoonlik sien vir hom 'n toekoms innie politiek!
Carel du Plessis: Die prins van vleuels!! Sy eerste coaching job was sommer die Bokke job!! Eish... Hy't defnitief 'n paar mense geken by SARFU.... Van Carel se "Moments of magic", was Edrich Lubbe as Bokke binnesenter EN stelskopper... Oukei, hy het wel vi Rassie Erasmus sy break gegee, maar na die series loss teenie Leeus in 1997, het hy ook sy "Don't Come Monday" e-mail gekry van Louis Luyt....
Nick Mallett: Hierrie era laat my baie dink aan die huidige een.. Aan die begin kon Nicky ook nie 'n voet verkeerd sittie... Percy het gekook op fullback, ennie Bokke het aanskoulike wenrugby gespeel. Ek meen, ommie Franse op Parc des Princes so ore aan te sit, wassie krieket nie!! Toe gaan staan en verloor ons teenie Engelse op Twickers aanie einde van '98, en van daar af wassit ook maar net afdraand... Ewe skielik het die media en public sy selections begin bevraagteken.... Arme Gaffie en Dave von Hoesslin se ore tuit seker nou nog na die Dunedin Disaster in 1999... Nick Mallett se "Moment of magic" was die weglating van Teich vir sy golden boy Blobby Stinkstert... Ons almal weet hoe effektief 'n 20% Bob was byrrie world cup... Die laaste strooi was seker toe Nick die pryse van test tickets begin kritiseer het.....
Harry Viljoen: Klein Harry was 'n besigheidsman, en het probeer om die mindset van die Bokke te veranner, en hulle 'n meer professional outfit te maak... Met minner sukses, as sy resultate oppie rugbyveld ongelukkig!! Harry se "Moment of Magic", was toe hy vir Andre Vos vervang het met Blobby as Bokke kaptein, toe die Bokke in Buenos Aires aan die einde van 2000 probeer het om vir 80 minute te speel SONDER om actually die bal te skop, en ook toe hy vir AJ as replacement opgestuur het innie Twickenham toets in 2000, net om hom 3 minute later weer te vervang het met iemand anners.... Eish!! Aanie begin van 2002, wassie "stres en media foltering" vir hom te veel, en het hy bedank.
Rudolf Straueli: Aaah, Doflie, Dolfie!! "Do you fink our players concussed themselves?" Rudolf se "Moments of Magic": Die slag van 16-52..... Twickenham se 53 - 3 drubbing....Jorrie Muller as buitesenter virrie world cup 2003.... Louis Koen assie losskakel..... Stefan Terblanche assie vleuel..... En, wie gaan hom ooit van Kamp Staaldraad durf laat vergeet???

So, dit bring ons by Jake.... Bra, jy't blerrie goed gedoen met die Bokkies die laaste 2 jaar.. Moet nie dat die pressure jou nou van jou stoel afstamp nie... Dis laaste ding wat ons NOU nodig het...

Lekke naweek!!

ps - Jean de Villiers innie hoekie, pappas!! En go Stevie G!!!!

Beste Jake....

Geagte mnr White,

Sorry virrie brief, ma' ek het noggie gepay nie, so kon noggie my foun (my nuwe Nokia 43-10 nogals...) optop nie!! Anners het ek jou sommer gebel.
Hoe lyk dinge, ou tjomma?? Jy reg virrie grooote internasionale rugby-voetbal seisoen? Die klomp Kiwi's skiem hulle initials is klaar gegrafeer oppie Tri Nations troufie, so ek hoop maar jy't vi ons 'n plan B, C en D..... (alhoewel ek ma partykeer nie so lekker voel oorie plan A nie, maar nou ja.... Ons kan seker nie oor alles saamstem)

Oukei, nou hoekom skryf ek vi jou, sal jy seker binnekort vra... Nou maar toe! Dis hoe dit is: Ek issie happy met jou 45-tal wat jy twee naweke terug aangekondig hettie!! (ek sou al laasweek vi jou geskryf het, assit nie net virrie feit was dat die Stormers my so teleurgestel het teenie Bulls nie!! Dit het Liefie 'n week geduur om my te oorreed om NIE vannie Auckland Harbour Bridge af te spring nie.... Apparantly kan daar erger dinge gebeur het!!! Ja, ek stem saam: Die Bokke kan seker met 50 punte 'n toets verloor! ....oops, dit het al gebeur...)
anyways.....

Ek het vir jou 'n voorstel, meneer White: Hoe lykkit mette "My span teen jou span" kompetisie!!
Ek het so bietjie gecheck na jou squad, en wonner hoe hierrie klomp sal vaar teen enige combination van die huidige "45 bestes in SA.." (Oukei, ek moet sê met Joubert en Chavanga se onttrekking hierrie week, lyk jou squad klaar beter, maar nog steeds.... )
So, here goes:
Big Pik se Rejects:
15 - JP Pietersen
14 - Akona Ndungane
13 - Ronnie Cooke
12 - Bradley Barrit
11 - Odwa Ndungane
10 - Earl Rose
09 - Scott Mathie/Janno Vermaak
08 - Ryno van der Merwe
07 - Warren Britz
06 - Luke Watson (kaptein)
05 - Ross Skeate
04 - Johan Ackermann
03 - Danie Thiart
02 - Schalk Brits
01 - Ollie le Roux

Oukei, ek weet jy't weer gal afgegaan die week oor "player burnout", so ons sal maar moet sien of jy hierrie kan inpas by jou Bokke se reeds druk program..

Goed ou grote, laat ek afsluit. Dis naweek, en ek hoor Bar Africa oppie Shore het 'n groot makietie aanie gang na werk.

Groetnis
Big Pik

Ps - go the Harrie-kyns!! "bring vir die Harrie-kyns nog wyn!!!"

Ek soekke nuwe foun......

Oukei, oukei, ek issie die grootste tek-nou gheek nie, maar komaan: die Nokia 75-14 is SOOO ounuus en 2005!! Time to get whiff the program, and move forward whiff teknolougy!! En, ek gee nie om WATTE foun Vodacom my as upgrade wil gee nie!! Ka ma' 'n Nokia 13-12, offe 3-0 ook wees... Enige iets is beter as my huidige baksteen.....

Kyk, ek probeer deesdae realisties wees, en probeer om rugby-voetbal te kyk SONDER my geliefde, gestreepte brille, MAAR hel... Ek kannit nettie oor my hart kry ommie Bulle te back teenie Stormers nie..... (net die gedagte daaraan laat my klaar weer hardloop na die ablusieblokke....) En, na laasweek se gehuilery innie stort so op my eie, voel ek ook "snaaks".... So, hopelik het laasjaar se vernederings op Loftus (jaaaa, ek kan ookie vergeet van 39 - 3 nie...) die spelers ook honger gemaak om hulleself te redeem.. Maar, eish.. Gaan taf wees!!! Hopelik pak Kaapstad vir Nuweland VOL, en speelie weer, en seker most importanly: die spelers saam!!! Note to Bulle fiseo: Bly kalm, ou grooote!!

Dan, die Sharkies het nogge akademiese kans (assie Crusaders natuurlik die Greganlose Brampies afslag vanaand, bygesê..), maar let's face it: Hulle gaanie die semi's maak nie... Maar, hopelik vermorsel hulle in elk geval nog die Force in Dirtbin!! Kyk, die Farce het nou genoeg simpatie gekry! Hulle het toe laasweek die inevitable wen gekry, so niks meer "Haai, sjym, die arme Forcies.." sêgoed nie!!! Ruan, AJ en co: slag hulle AF!!! julle KAN!!!!!

Dan, laastens: Katte teen Cheetahs... Ek glo die twee gewese spanmaats gaan mekaar goed opdreun, met niks as trots oppie spel nie... Jacque Fourie het actually laasweek weerie feeling gekry hoe dit voel om actually agter die opposisie se doellyn te wees, i.p.v jou eie, so hopelik kickstart dit ook SY seisoen.. Maar, aan albei spanne: Good luck, julle gaanit nodig kry... Kimberley se rugbyvelde issie so sag soos waaraan julle deesdae gewoond issie...

Oraait, Jake wys sy groep van 45 spelers aan Saterragaand, so vlge week kan ons bietjie oorie Bokke gesels!! (alhoewel ek al klaar upset is dat vlgs gerugte innie media, manne soos Luke, Britsie en BJ nie goed genoeg is vi hom nie........) eish!!!!

Oraait, lekker naweek!!

Onthou: Jean de Villiers innie hoekie, pappas!!!!

ps - Kevin Mealamu stuur groete!!!

Nou wat nou??

Vi die van julle wat dink als is hunkydory, en Big Pik hettie Stormers vergewe vir allie twak wat hulle tot dusver die seisoen opgedis het, THINK AGAIN!! Een Saterrag mirrag maak nie MY super 14 seisoen nie!!! Ek stem saam: Saterrag was blerrie mooi en lekker, ma' splinternuwe challenge lê klaar weer voor hulle deur: Ka hulle dieselle klas rugby vi twee weke inne ry opdis??? Dis vi my die million dollar question.... En my gut feeling is nog steeds NEE..... Wie sê laas Saterrag was nie maar weereens net NOGGE false dawn innnie Kaap va Stormers nie?? Kyk, ons Kapenaars het partykeer rede om so wintgat te wees, maar ons kannie sommer dink na 1 ordentlike game uit 11 probeerslae "ons is daar nie"... Nee wat: Gaat kyk maar net wee die Bulle v Sharks game (hoe pynlik dit ook al is...) Ja, die Stormers se cheerleaders IS hotter, ons fiseo issie so aggressief soos hulle s'n nie, maar nou ja.... Laas naweek se game teenie Sharks het net weereens bewys dattie Bulle nog steeds die pas aangee in SA rugby oppie oomblik... (oukei, ek sal huil innie stort vanaand oor daai uitlating... sorry)
Hulle's 'n anner span op Loftus (alhoewel die Cheetahs nie sal saamstem nie! 23 Oktober....) Hierrie naweek is wee 'n groote in Snor City!! Robbie Deans het besluit om vi Makou uit te laat, maar ek sallie verbaas wees as hy wel uitdraf nie... Tensy hy besering het, hoekom die man twee weke inne ry laat uitsit?
Maar, ek dink die Bulle kannit doen.... Verwag 'n moerse backlash, want twee below par performances deurie defending champs is weird deesdae, maar ek glo die Loftus faktor sal hulle deurdra... (weereens, stort toe vi my...) Leer net die senters 'n anner move as daai skêrbeweging hierie week seblief!

Dan, in Dirtbin issit die Sharks v Stormers.... Big Joe se uitlatings die week innie press dat "dit die Bulle game vlge week is op Nuweland waarna almal so uitsien" maak my bekommerd... Moet julle dalk nie eers worry oor hierrie naweek se game teenie Sharkies nie, my ou neef?? Eish... Nou's ek sommer weer upset van voor af.....
Die Stormers se forwards was puik verlede week, maar die Sharkies is ookie paloekas voorlangs nie..... Soos ek vroeër gesê het: consistancy issie wagwoord. Weet hulle was consistant power gewees tot dusver, maar hulle sal moet vinger trek as hulle actually drie naweke inne ry wil wen.... Sharks gaan vi oom Tony mis, maar ek dink hulle gaan nog steeds met 5 of 7 punte die ding doen... (oukei, nou's dit regtig stort toe vi my!!)

Lekker naweek!
onthou: Jean de Villiers innie hoekie, pappas!!!!