We're gonna party like it's 1995!!

Ok, fouks.....
This will be quick! I'm already kakking in my pantsh, and the final is still ages away..

First up, no matter how much we love to knock the English, you've got to congratulate them on reaching the final. I know it's a silly cliche, but it's game on now and "anything can happen in a final." They've played to their strenghts, even if it means boring half the world to death in the process... But, I'm sure Brian Ashton and co are not exactly having any sleepless nights about not entertaining people along the way..
A big chunk of his squad have also got experience from playing in the 2003 final. They've been there, done that already.
So, then, you might ask: What have the Boks got to offer?? All they have nowadays are distant memories of 1995, 'ol chap!!!"

But, hold your horses, my chaaina!! Maybe, just maybe 2007 is the "new" 1995 for the Boks. If you think about it, there are quite a few similarities...

1.) Os du Randt. Os-some... The big Ox... He was there in '95 for the Boks with the number 1 on his back, and will pack down again on the loosehead for a final time on Saturday.

2.) The Pienaar factor... In 1995 the Boks assistant coach was a man named Gysie Pienaar. His son, Ruan, will play off the bench for the Boks this weekend...

3.) The '95 team had a guy named Francois in the starting line up... Maybe Steyntjie will also be remembered as an icon in years to come?

4.) The darling in the '95 team was Chester. Funny how the talisman of the Boks 2007 World Cup campaign also plays in the number 11 shirt...

5.) Just like in '95, the Bok fullback is a Shark. If Andre Joubert is referred to as the Rolls Royce of fullbacks, Percy must surely then be like my very first car, a 1974 Datsun 120 Deluxe: Sure, they both look a bit dodgy at first glance... Both have copped a fair amount of abuse from my mates over the years... But, along the way, I luckily realised they're both awesome value for money!

6.) And lastly... In '95 the scrum half was a Blue Bull, and the flyhalf a Shark.. Go Fourie and Butchie!!

I know, I'm clutching at straws here....
Go Bokke! Make us proud!

Put a sock in it!

After making a fool of myself last weekend by getting the quarter final results so terribly wrong, I thought it would be best for all of us if I'd rather stay quiet this week.. If only these guys did the same:

"They looked like they didn't want to play. They were shocked. They were kicking too much and giving 50/50 passes. If the opposition kept the ball more in their hands and ran with it, I'm sure they could have scored a few more tries. They looked like they wanted to run into their cave, they didn't know what to do. I didn't see much talk from their senior players and in the end I guess they were just shocked with the pressure on them." mmmmmmm... You'll be surprised to know that these remarks do NOT refer to the All Blacks, but that these comments were indeed made by NZ's very own Joe Rokocoko, after his assessment of France's performance against Argentina in the opening game. (NZ Herald, 11.09.2007)

"This forward pack is infinitely better than the one he produced in terms of power, skill and confidence and if Eddie is in the Springbok camp it will give the Wallabies more incentive and determination in saying 'Eddie this is a big mistake' " Alec Evans, the skills coach and "scrum doctor" of the Wallabies, on the Aussie pack in the post-Eddie Moans era. (Super Sport Zone - 31.07.2007) Sjym, Alec....

"In the England test we were outmuscled, outweighed, outskilled and we just weren't good enough." Guess who?? None other than Donut Dunning.... The only problem is that he uttered these words in an interview on May 14, 2007, and surprisingly NOT after last weekend's humiliation in Marseille. Nope, Fat Matt was actually referring to the 26 - 16 defeat to England at Twickenham, on 12.11.2005!! One would've thought that nearly 2 years later, they would have tracked down two props in Aussie who knew how to scrum.... Guess not!! (and Matt: are you sure they outweighed you guys????)

"France pose absolutely no threat to the All Blacks" NZ Herald's regular big mouth, Chris Rattue on Wednesday, 03.10.2007

"So an apparal conspiracy and a delayed coin toss to decide who wears the alternate strip have stepped in to fill the build-up breach.
Not that it matters, because the All Blacks could play in sackcloths and they'd still stomp all over France.
One thing is for sure. With Laporte in charge, All Black supporters can already break out the wine, and those who have travelled to the tournament can even break out bottles of wine with Laporte's logo on them." Still Chris Rattue.... And then they still wonder why the rest of the world enjoyed their defeat to France??

"We do all hate England. All I'm doing is stating the bleeding obvious. No one likes England" Somebody forgot to tell Wallabies rugby boss, John O'Neill, that the world's also not that crazy about his lot... Any case, did Brian Ashton's team need any more motivation??

"It's been phenomenal. They believe they're the best young sporting team that ever stays in their hotels, the most open and friendly and easy to get along with" mmmmm... Someone forgot to tell Ted Henry about Dougie's antics at the Heathrow Hilton, upon their arrival in Christchurch.. DOH!!

"There was drink involved" You don't say, Dougie?? And there I was thinking you just jump on cars for the hell of it...

"For me personally, I don't think we should show them any respect" Jaques Fourie before the Springboks quarter final clash against Fiji.. I bet at 20-20 these guys had your undivided attention, Jaques'ie!!!

"All Blacks by 15 points" Big Pik on 04.11.2007....

"Wallabies to take this one with 7 - 12 points" The same useless, Big Pik......

So, then: Any predictions this weekend?? ABSOLUTELY NOT!!!

Go Bokke!

Quarter final predictions.... and possible contradictions

Now, it's not that I've been locked up by NZ Immigration for the last 4 weeks, or busy at work, or even that I (for once!) don't have an opinion about the World Cup so far. No, it was always my intension to stay underneath the radar until the start of the Quarter Finals. When we all knew the REAL World Cup would start.... (Plus, after the disappointment of 2003, I wanted to see how the Boks perform against England, before I REALLY started talking up their chances...)

In saying that, it's not that I haven't enjoyed watching Portugal (Eddie Andrews take note: THAT'S how you sing your National Anthem!!) or Georgia running the (useless) Irish close. But, I just couldn't sustain the excitement levels when I knew the All Blacks were scheduled to play Italy, Portugal and wait for it.... that power house of Eastern European rugby, Romania...
The most frustrating bit, I guess, was having to sit through the game against the Scots in Edinburgh. (I'm not talking about the quality of rugby, but there I was under the impression this year's World Cup was played in France!! Silly me....) Mmmmm... YAAAAAAWN... So, on the eve of the first quarter final, I can finally say: BRING IT ON!!

First up we have France vs All Blacks: Sorry, but I won't be caught with my pant-sssssh down this time, romanticizing about the possibility of an upset. This (unfortunately) is like predicting WP will smash the Bulls at Loftus. (or, it seems even at Newlands nowadays... eisssshh!!)
Bottom line is France haven't beaten the All Blacks since 2000, when they met in Marseille, and although you can argue "but, surely it's gotta change at some stage", I just can't see it be any different this weekend in Cardiff. It's just too much like the period between 2000 and 2004 for my liking. That was the period when the Springboks couldn't buy a victory at home against the All Blacks... The players just didn't have the belief or actual experience of winning against their opponents dressed in black. We had to wait 4 long years for a bunch of Springbok youngsters to run an established All Black outfit close in the opening game of the 2004 Tri Nations in Christchurch, before they realised their opponents weren't invincible. The rest is history... 40 -26 at Ellis Park two weeks later... Order restored, 'nuff said!
Now, I'll admit: I was hoping for an upset, but that hope was quickly chucked aside yesterday, when I saw the make up of the France team... Laporte just doesn't get it, hey!! He played a wing at fulback in the opening game against the Argies, and one would've thought he learned his lesson after that embarrassing defeat.... But noooooo!! This week he's opting for an inside centre at fullback.. Traille was disappointing at flyhalf against the All Blacks last year, and I just can't see him redeem himself, by playing out of position again...
Make no mistake, the Frogs will be up for this one, but I see the AB's run away with it in the last 15 minutes.. (again!)
All Blacks by 15 points

Then, we have England vs Wallabies. I must admit, I'm in a bit of a spin here... I don't really want either of them to reach the semi finals, to be brutally honest with you!! But, I just can't see England giving the AB's a decent work out in a semi final, so it's gotta be the Aussies then, I guess... (some more crying in the shower scheduled for me tonight!!)
To me it's quite ironic how everyone reflected on England's pi$$poor performance against the Boks, by simply saying "they're the worst England team ever", but now John Connolly and co wants to claim the underdog status for this weekend's fixture against the Poms... Aag sjym, John!! How stupid do you fink we are???
Yes, Johnny and Jason Robinson are playing.. and yes, Andy Farrell's injury can only be an advantage to the England backline, but's quite simple, really: England's not good enough to win this World Cup! They're exactly like the Boks of 2003: Second in their pool, looking ok at times against average opposition, but only to crash out in the quarters, when the heat's on.
Wallabies to take this one with 7 - 12 points.

Scotland vs Argentina: Argentina's undoubtedly been the stars of this World Cup. No real surprise, really... Their recent record against France speaks for itself. Hell, they even secured a victory against the World Champions at Twickenham before the Springboks managed to... It's a pity they haven't played that often against their Southern Hemisphere counterparts in recent years... Maybe we're a little bit scared of losing against these boys??
Scotland couldn't score a try against Italy.. Do I need to say more? Against the Argies it won't be any easier.. Sure, Chris Patterson will kick the points when they're on offer, but oportunities might be limited. To win this one, they're gonna have to create tries, and I just can't see that quite happening against the Argenitian defence.
Argies by 15

Then, the Boks vs Fiji: All I have to say about this one, is to add a quote from Jake White: "if the Springboks can't beat Fiji and possibly Argentina to reach a World Cup final, they don't deserve to be here".
They won't be complacent, they won't underestimate the Fijians. Don't try to win the crowd over by playing a loose, sevens type game. Play it structured, strangle the life out of them the first 50 - 60 minutes, and then things might start opening up...
Boks by 20...

I'll sign off this week, by commenting on the following. I've been copping a fair amount of abuse from my Kiwi mates (surprise, surprise... yes, I do actually have friends... I have to pay most of them, but still..) this week, about my sudden love for the French. They're saying "you just want France to beat the AB's, because you're jealous and scared".. My reply to that: Spot on, I couldn't agree more with you, mate!!!
Why did the whole of South Africa enjoy the result of the 2005 Currie Cup final, when the Cheetahs came from behind to upset the Bulls??
Why did we enjoy it when Zimbabwe beat the Aussies in the recent 20/20 Cricket World Cup?
Or, why did the locals here in NZ start jumping up and down when Tonga was only one bounce away from upsetting the Boks?? Not because "it would've been great for world rugby had they won the game"... Kak man!! No, my chaainas - You know that would've put a serious dent in the Boks' title aspirations if they lost that one! And that's the truth, and that's all that matter!
At the end of the day, we're not all that different, it seems...

4 Days 20 Hours 49 Minutes and 43 Seconds

No, that's not how long it took Alistair Coetzee to explain to Eddie Jones all the complex backline moves he's help crafted over the last 4 years for the Springboks... That's how much time, according to the official Rugby World Cup website, are left before the festivities (pardon the pun..) kicks off in France.

So, this must be about the time the "I-have-played-testrugby-for-my-country-even-if-it-was-against-Cote d'Ivoire-in-1995!" ex-players start telling us who they think "might win it", or the (even better value for money) "Because-they-smashed-my-team-on-a-continuous-basis-my-bosses-fired-my-ass-but-I-still-have-an-opinion" ex-coaches are also quoted in the media saying "the AB's have peaked already" and are therefore "destined to fail in France". So, why should I be any different??

But, to just follow suit and say "I fink da Springboks can wins it" will be about as lame as Andrew Johns' claims that it was some stranger who placed that pill in his pocket.. So, let's try and make it a little bit more interesting.

In case you missed it, I kinda like sport.. And if there's one game I enjoy almost as much as rugby union (or league... or tennis... or cricket... or golf... or women's beach volleyball...) its soccer. So, I thought: why not compare the rugby nations to their soccer counterparts at the world cup?

First up are the All Blacks. They're like Brasil. They keep producing naturally gifted players. They play an attractive and expansive game. They're the red hot favourites at the start of every world cup. But, then again: both have mucked up in the past, when everybody expected all they had to do, was turn up to win the tournament...
Player to watch: Andy Ellis... Can somebody explain what the hell he's doing there?? "Andy's great form for the Junior All Blacks secured his spot in the squad". Sounds a bit like a new Tui ad... YEAH, RIGHT! Piri might have the same dietician as Ricky Januarie, but he was pretty unlucky to miss out.
Weakness(es): 1.) Their line out. No, not just Mealamu and Oliver's dodgy throwing, but also the fitness of the locks - Keith Robinson seems to pull a hamstring or calve muscle by just thinking about Victor Matfield and Bakkies Botha...
2.) Centre - Tana's been gone for almost two seasons, but still no permanent and settled replacement. Expect further tinkering during the WC. Just who'll start in a possible final? Toeava, Smith or Muliaina? Mmmm... Funny how they pick brilliant fullbacks at centre during their World Cup campaigns.. in '99 it was Cullen, '03 Macdonald.. and we all know how that ended..
Verdict: The AB's are the number one team for a reason - the rest of the rugby world are hoping for a hiccup in a one off game, but not sure if that'll happen this time round.


France are like Argentina. They've got the players, they've got the history; we all know they can play. If they get it right, they're lethal, but that's just the thing: they haven't really done anything special on the big stage for ages. People are still referring to that magic comeback against the AB's in '99, but come on: that was 8 years ago!!
Player to watch: Remy Martin... Eish, any guy who's named after a brandy MUST be a legend!
Weakness(es): 1.) The so called "French unpredictability". Brilliant today, pi$$ poor tomorrow!!
2.) The AB's put 40 + points past them in 5 of their last 6 contests. They may have a superior record against the other nations of late, but they're not the AB's bogey team, as we like to refer to them as..
Verdict: They're playing at home, and that is huge. If they can actually get through their pool unscathed, who knows...


England is like..... England!!! They've won the cup once, and will therefore never allow us to forget about that! (hold on... are we talking about the South Africans here??)
Their domestic rugby/soccer competitions are filled with overseas players, which must surely impact the development of the local youngsters.
Player to watch: Andy Farrell.. Just another hyped up, overrated league convert? Possibly (only just) quicker than Brian Ashton (England's coach) over a 100m dash.
Weakness: Their backline play. Not able to score a single try against France over the space of 160 minutes is a major concern, full stop!
Verdict: They might be the defending champions, but they're just not good enough now. Ashton and Dallaglio can claim the underdog status is a "real positive", bla, bla, bla... Just like I had to admit 4 years ago passion and pride weren't enough to pull the Boks through a quarter/semi and final over 3 consecutive weekends, I guess you can say the same about the English this time round.


The Wallabies are like Germany. Even though their domestic/provincial scene is not the biggest and greatest and you'd expect them to eventualy slip off the radar, they pretty much always reach the semi finals, and you can't ever write them off. Champs in '91 and '99, as well as beaten finalists in '03, when nobody gave them a chance to upset the AB's..
Player to watch: Lote Tuqiri - the most expensive player in Aussie, and he knows it! Has apparantly spent hours sharpening his drinking game skills for France.. Would be interesting to see if he can do what he's paid for and actually score a try for a change, and not feature in the papers for his late night escapades...
Verdict: They'll cruise through their pool, and are possibly scheduled to meet the AB's in the semis. That's unfortunately as good as it'll get this time round. Their away from home record is about as impressive as the Springboks', plus they haven't beaten the All Blacks away from home since 2000...


And then we have the Springboks... They're like Italy. They have both won a World Cup... They're frequently criticized for their playing style, for being too predictable and boring... The off-the-field antics are well known an publicized - if it's not the Luke Watson saga, it's Juventus' demotion to the lower leagues due to match fixing allegations... The similarities are quite frightening, but also embarrassing!! Mmmm... but then again: we all know who won the soccer/football World Cup in 2006, don't we?

R.I.P Bokke?

Is Springbok rugby dead?
Nope, Butana Komphela and Cedrick Frolick didn't secure a majority vote in a secret overnight meeting to decide the fate of the Bok emblem. (Well, with plonkers like that you never know, but for the time being the Bok emblem's still "safe", I believe...)

I'll start by mentioning the performance on Saturday night in Sydney, against the Wallabies.

In the build up to the test match, Jake and Bobby were very positive, talking up the chances of our "B-team". "All the pressure were on the Wallabies", and Bob even said we "should expect to see them play Bulls rugby".. (Well, Blobby: you have nooooo idea how much it hurts to admit this, but the last time I checked the Bulls were actually winning, ma' china.....)

Before kick off, I was hoping for another classic "backs against the wall" performance from the Bokke. I mean, the stage was perfectly set: Aussie have been doing most of the talking during the week - They were extremely vocal about Jake snubbing them (by resting his top players), and it would've been a major embarrassment if the Wallabies were to lose against the B-grade Boks. So, Jake indeed hit the nail on the head by saying "all the pressure are on them".
Hell, we even had the dream start I was hoping for! After 13 minutes the score was 17 - 0. Ok, a fair amount of luck was involved, but still..... In test rugby you take-a-the-points, hey! But, then it happened.... For some strange reason, we stopped "playing". For the next 67 minutes I had to sit and watch a natural talent like Ruan Pienaar opting to play "dryfings" with Julian Huxley, and CJ and co just being synical by trying to waste as much time as possible... And, if that wasn't enough, we also had to witness how Gary and Johan received their marching orders from Your Royal Honiss for some stupid actions....

To watch the Boks lose, REALLY, really sucks! Heck, to watch them lose against the Wallabies is even more hurtful.. But to read afterwards how the coach said "even when we were leading 17 - 0, I still didn't think we could win it" really, really, really sucks!!!! How on earth can you expect the NZRU and ARU to take you seriously, when it seems you don't even believe it yourself that these players are capable of winning a game on tour???? Just what exactly must the players be thinking? "Ok, no need to worry about the AB's this weekend... Coach doesn't think we can do it, so we're going to get smashed in any case.."
The All Blacks are saying how desperate they are to get back to winning ways this weekend in Christchurch. If the Boks actually believe they don't stand a chance, they're on a hiding to nothing. Eissssh.....

The feeling amongst the supporters after the defeat in Sydney is also one of "ag, don't worry, we'll get them in the World Cup later this year". Since when have we stopped giving a damn about the result in test matches? Last time I checked SARU were still handing out test caps for these! I don't know, but aren't we getting a little bit carried away with the World Cup issue? (just like the Kiwi's) It's like we don't give a $hit about what's happening in between?

And, if that's not depressing enough, the list of SA rugby players playing abroad are growing by the day. No longer is it just a player in the twilight of his career leaving. Young players like Ronnie Cooke, Corniel van Zyl and Phillip Burger have all committed to French clubs recently. (Funny how a couple of years ago we would've been fuming if we heard something like this. Nowadays it's almost an "ok, good for them" feeling..)
Nick Mallett also ruffled feathers at SARU, by apparantly explaining "quota selections" to the French Clubs. SARU's Mveleli Ncula would like the rest of the world to believe it's purely because of financial reasons (make no mistake: financial security obviously plays a big part) that the players are leaving, but the truth is they probably all had enough of the politics in SA rugby.. Why should they put up with it, when they can concentrate on purely doing their job, in other words playing rugby in say England, France or Italy, and in the process earn top dollar?

So, Butana Kompela, Cedrick Frolick and co may well be on a mission to kill the Springbok, but I'm affraid it might be confined to the ICU already...

The Secret Diary of Jake White

Friday, June 8: Yeehaa! Bring on the weekend!! Team manager, Zola Yeye (or "Manny" as Smittie affectionately call him...) asked if I would be free to meet with him, Vusi Kama, Mac Hendriks and some distinguished members of the media tonight at News Cafe. Just to "soften them up a bit", he said. Anyways, who am I to decline? Free dinner and booze on a Friday night.. Hellloooo!! What more could a guy ask for? Just hope things don't get too rowdy.. Have to be on my best behaviour again tomorrow.
Note to self: Remember to keep saying Ricky Januarie is better than Ruan Pienaar. People, including myself, might actually start to believe it. (or, let's hope Butana Khompela picks up I'm the one who started the rumour, and give us back our passports to go to France in September.)

Saturday, June 9: Eish!! Woke up with a killer headache this morning. I sure can't knock them back like I used to. I just hope that Luke Watson can keep his trap shut for more than 5 minutes in the team bus this morning. My head feels like it's about to explode!
Last night was quite fun. Or, that was until that Adnaan Mohamed from "Die Son" turned up!! Who the hell invited him in any case? I though Zola said we'd meet with some "distinguished" members of the media? Gmf, his newspaper is so trashy, they won't even publish something written by Big Pik.. But, after a couple of whiskey's, I gave that Adnaan a piece of my mind! I can't wait to tell Smittie.. He'll be so proud of me for sticking up for him.
Note to self: Invite that Colin guy we met last night over for a braai sometime. He sure cracks me up!

Sunday, June 10: Not my best day... The papers all mention my altercation with Adnaan at News Cafe... Stoffie (Mike) are quoted saying SARU will have to launch an investigation into the matter this week. I sure hope I don't get into too much trouble!!
The rugby writers are also not too happy whiff our performance against Samoa, and the fact that we decided to skip the Samoans' rendition of traditional songs at the post match function also get a mention... To be honest, my headache was killing me, and I just couldn't brace myself for anything like that.. Smittie and the boys also had to rush back to the hotel to initiate Waylon and that Luke Watson. He says it was quite enjoyable chucking darts at that Watson fella.. Nothing quite like a bit of a team bonding session to boost the team morale, hey...
Note to self: Delete Colin's phone number from cellphone..

Monday, June 11: Team doc, Yusuf Hassan, had a proper look at Ricky's knee, and it's been confirmed he'll be out of action for a couple of weeks. Still a bit in the dark at the moment: Not sure if I'll be allowed to include Ruan at scrumhalf now, or if that means Wayne Julies or Lawrence Sephaka will have to shift to number 9... Waiting to hear Oregon and Stoffie's decision... But, in the meantime Alistair Coetzee said he's willing to put his body on the line for his country against the Wallabies. I don't really know how to break the news to the guy.. I don't rate him as a backline coach, let alone think he's good enough to start for my team, to be honest.. Full marks for trying, though!
Looks like that Watson guy also has an injury niggle.. To be honest, I didn't even bother to hear what Doc had to say about the injury.. I just told him to go pack his bags...
Andre Pretorius apparantly still struggles with a "strained buttocks", which will prevent him from taking part in the Tri Nations. Funny thing is I also tend to develop cramps down there when I think of that Luke Watson, Oregon or Stoffie...
Note to self: Get that cramps checked out sometime this week....

Welcome to Boswell Wilkie Circus

I know..... I should've written something last week. When, for once, all the bad press came out of NZ: It all started when Sivvi had to be officially reprimanded for "klapping" his wife. Then Ali "I am the greatest" Williams got sent home from SA for having "some rough edges to sort out". I thought that would be it, but no!!! Two (completely unconvincing) bogans from Christchurch (who acknowledged that they had a history of fighting and criminal charges) then claimed they were "violently attacked" by Crusaders players Rua "Golden Gloves" Tipoki, Raleb Calph and Jake "The Muss" Paringatai the night after the Crusaders vs Chiefs game. And to make matters even worse (obviously NOT if you're a Saffa living in Auckland...) the Sharks and Bulls then sent the Blues and Crusaders packing, and in the process secured the first ever all SA final in the super 12/14! (mmmm... no wonder Deirdre was woken by my psychotic screaming, and Daniël's decision to let rip with "Hie' kommie Bokke!!" at 03h05 on a Sunday morning...... SORRY!!)

But....... You can always count on South Africa to do one better, hey!!!! In true "how to completely f*ck up something - South African style!!", I now have to put up with the whole Luke Watson vs Jake White affair again this week, instead of reading about the two best teams in the Super 14 and their preperations for the final. How typical... I am so over it!!!

Thanks to the magic of the internet, I was "fortunate" enough to listen to the John Robbie vs Oregan Hoskins interview on this side of the world. What a complete waste of 8 minutes + 11 seconds..... And no, I don't think it was just Hoskins who came across as a complete tool in that interview!
Straight after that I had to read about "Hoskins and co bringing the game into disrepute" on Keo's website.. This just made me realise (again!!!) that it's not just SARU's fault for the sorry state of affairs, but the media have to take their share of the blame in the circus that is South African rugby. And with that, can I include those of you who just jump on the bandwagon and agree with everything the media conveniently decides to spin, in order to sell more of their newspapers, generate more hits on a website, or to prove to a board of directors they have achieved x amount of listeners this week!!!!

These are the same people, who criticized Jake White during last year's Tri Nations on his team selections. Who fed him to the wolves after a 49-0 defeat against the Wallabies... Who thought it would be best for SA rugby if he was to resign or be relieved from his duties after an appalling Tri Nations campaign and consecutive defeats against Ireland and (a rubbish) England... And, now when SARU interfears, and add a player to the extended training squad, they all jump on the high horse again, and start waving the finger, saying they're surprised Jake hasn't resigned. Talk about double standards!! Last season Luke Watson sold newspapers because he didn't make the squad, this year he's selling them because he did!

I don't care what you think of Luke Watson as a person- Yes, he is arrogant. Yes, he looked like a real to$$er on the cover of SA Sports Illustrated posing as Superman, and also did himself no favours with some of his comments about Jake White in the past. He looks funny with his "toyt pantsh and toyt jersey" on the playing field. He probably doesn't own a copy of Bok van Blerk's cd, he doesn't drive a double cab "bakkie", and he'll struggle to do an aftermatch speech in Afrikaans.. But, can he play rugby? Does he deserve to be in the extended Bok training squad, at the very least?
John Robbie was quick to point out to Hoskins' remark about him being the player of '06, that "that was indeed last year, mr Hoskins, and not this year".. So, how did Luke go in this year's super 14?
According to www.testrugby.com statistics as at 15.05.2007.

(in the following order) Games played, Line breaks, Turn overs, Posession lost, Penalties conceded, Tackles made, Tries scored

L.Watson 13 28 22 6 15 100 5
J.Botes 14 12 7 10 9 133 5
P.Wannenburg 14 12 4 11 5 44 4
W.van Heerden 14 3 18 12 15 100 6
K.Floors 13 17 7 6 4 53 4
C.Grobbelaar 13 8 7 8 4 98 0
E.Joubert 13 16 9 11 14 93 2
S.Burger 13 16 14 17 14 105 0
R.Mccaw 8 12 12 8 13 72 2
M.Holah 12 4 13 5 16 94 1
R.Kankowski 12 24 5 11 5 58 1

Looks like he did ok when compared to his opposition, you experts....

Jacques Botes has had a storming Super 14 campaign, and are indeed one of the unlucky players to have missed out. I can only hope a player of his quality will be rewarded in the not so distant future. The same goes for Bradley Barritt, Derrick Hougaard and Ryan Kankowski. Funny how all the talk is about Watson, but nothing's being said about the inclusion of Eddie Andrews and Tonderai Chavanga, who hasn't even played a single game of super rugby this year. Maybe they just don't sell as many newspapers....

The problem with Watson is personal, end of story. He's not good enough to force his way into the match 22 yet, but he should at the very least be considered for the top 45.... sorry 46 now thanks to SARU.
The media's reaction, by saying they're surprised Jake hasn't resigned yet, is pathetic. Also, SARU's alleged threat that "Jake's head could roll before the World Cup if his selections don't meet their expectations" ... If you believe all of this, I feel sorry for you. SA Rugby didn't fire Jake last year, when they had a valid reason to - in other words when his results warranted action. The reason they decided to stick with Jake, is simple: MONEY! It will cost a heap!!!

I say enjoy this weekend's final if you're Sharks or Bulls fan. You guys deserve it!! But, if the first shambolic week of the Springbok set-up is anything to go by, we might be in for a very long international season.... (sigh..)

Outwit.....Outplay.....Outlast

Outwit.... Outplay..... These words have probably never been used before to describe the performance of a South African super 14 franchise against New Zealand opposition away from home...
But, that's exactly what happened last Saturday in the Blues vs Sharks match at North Harbour Stadium in Albany.

In the week before the game, Blues players were quoted saying their aim would be to make things as tough as possible for Ruan Pienaar. To prevent the exciting youngster from getting quick ball to his outside backs. Just a pity that on the night the Sharks had to go do exactly that to Steve Devine...
David Nuke 'em-fora can point the finger to Stuart "Yes, I'm a-Dick"inson and dodgy Sharks tactics for his side's shock loss, but the fact of the matter is just that his team were never allowed an oportunity to get going in the match. The Sharks defence was solid, the kicking clever - how about THAT drop kick- and the pressure outstanding. Okay, they didn't quite sustain it for the full 80 minutes, but by the time the Blues scored their first try, the damage was already done.
Nuke'em-fora also complained about Sammy Torpedo's yellow card, and only saw Johan Ackerman throwing the first punch.. Just a pity he failed to mention Nacewa's attempted elbow on Monty in the first half...

I've heard people say the Sharks have shown their hand, and will be shown up by the Chiefs this Saturday in Hamilton. It might still prove to be the case, but the Sharks have proved against (the rubbish) Reds they can score tries out wide. The Chiefs on the other hand smashed the Force last weekend, but also conceded 36 points in the process. Their defence is shaky, and dare I mention the name of Tasesa Lavea as a possible weakness? (This one will probably come back to bite me, but hey......)
It's not rocket science, but if the Sharks manage to win this one, they're a step closer to securing that home semi final. And, if the Chiefs get the win, they keep the semi final dream alive. Not bad for a team who only won 4 of their 10 games so far!!

Lastly, I guess I should say "congrats" to the Bulls for their performance at Loftus last weekend... (arrrrrrrr....) For those Stormers supporters who've been complaining about our teams' inconsitancy so far this season, don't worry: I'm sure we'll be consistant this weekend! It'll be our first consecutive defeat in the competition this season.....

Big Pik's picks for the weekend:
Crusaders
Brumbies
Cheetahs
Sharks
Highlanders
Lions (sorry, I just can't back them Bulls....)
Blues

It's now how you start, but how you finish....

I'm sure we've all heard these words before. Years ago Naas Botha was quoted saying "the Currie Cup's not won in May", and more recently after the Sharks slumped to a second defeat in so many weeks, every single rugby writer made it his or her job to point out the fact that "they might've peaked too early" or "great start, but let's see where they finish"......
Now i must say these words of wisdom by the experts got me thinking - and yes, I know it must be hard to believe a one eyed Stormers supporter is actually capable of something like that - but forget about rugby for a moment, and let's focus on the cricket world cup.

It's probably an understatment to say the Proteas haven't really been impressive so far. They arrived at the tournament as the "number one ranked team in the world" - thanks for continuously pointing that one out, Graeme Smurf - but have looked far from it. Teams have made a mockery of Polly's economy rate, Kallis has been blamed for his tortoise-like batting and they lost to Bangladesh for varks steaks!!! The lack of variety in the bowling attack has also been exposed on numerous occasions.... (Oh, and did I mention the defeat to Bangladesh by any chance???) But..... But..... But..... The scary thing however, is that South Africa are still in the competition, and haven't been knocked out yet.... Even if they have been performing poorly!

And earlier today they managed to get their campaign back on track with a vital win against the Windies. AB managed to get a big score, Kallis kept the scoreboard ticking yet again, and Gibbs and Boucher secured the big score with their flurry at the end. Of course it was by no means a flawless victory - the fact that they couldn't finish off the tail must surely still be a big headache for Mickey Arthur and his troops - but it was at least a better result than the Bangladesh match.... So, with games against New Zealand and England left to play, one victory should be enough to let them advance to the semi's.

Now, that brings me to the Black Caps. They're unbeaten, and have been really impressive so far. Fleming, Fulton, Styris, Oram and Mccullum have all contributed with the bat. Bond and Vettori have been on fire with the ball. They've brushed aside the opposition by hardly breaking a sweat. Surely they must be sitting pretty to win the whole thing! But... But... But... Let's start by looking at their remaining matches - they still have Sri Lanka, SA and Aussie left to play in the space of a week....
What if Shane Bond gets injured?
And, what happens if the top order fails to get them off to a good start... Will the middle and lower order be able to do the job? (Just go look at South Africa's 1996 world cup campaign.. in the quarter finals against the West Indies the middle and lower order failed to get the job done, probably because they didn't spend enough time in the middle during the pool matches, when the batsmen did their job....)

So, I'm really looking forward to this weekend's match between the Black Caps and Proteas. What's the saying again? "It's not how you start, but how you finish". Suppose we'll have to wait and see.

Die opgetune'de All Blacks..

Ek weetie wat die latest craze da innie Republiek oppie oomblik issie, ma hie in Kiwiland wassit mos nou "reconditioning" die laaste 3 maande gewees.....

Nou ek weet ek's partykeer seker ook ma' so geloofwaardig soos ou Jacob Zuma innie getuienisbank, ma' glo my "djou honour", as ek vi julle sê ek's lekke keelvol virrie hele "reconditioning" ding...

Dis soosie celebrities - elke tweede poephol neem ook lykkit my 'n arme bloedjie vanne 'n derde wêreld land aan! Dis asof dit die "must have" fashion accessory vannie maand is.. Selle met die onnersteuners in hierrie land! Ek meen, volgens Skaai tievie se Re-union program, dink 84% va hulle kykers reeds dis 'n "masterstroke"!!! Wow!! Dit na hulle supersterre een wedstryd gespeel het.... Ek's seker daarvan Dan Carter het daai cross-kick- na- Scott Hamilton- toe move geleer op sy oefen-(sorry reconditioning!!) kamp!!! Ek meen, hulle is after all mos nou "bigger, faster EN stronger!!" as almal.. (Ek moet sê ek het verwag Richie Mccaw gaan met 'n paar "tinted windows" en "mags" oppie veld verskyn, maar hy't vi my ma nog dieselle gelyk... maar net na 'n blerrie goeie rugbyspeler!)

Maar nou ja.... Ten minste is die supersterre terug, en ka die super 14 aangaan...

So, wat gaan gebeur hierrie naweek? Een ding wat darem 'n "banker" is, is dat die Stormers nie gaan verloor hierrie naweek nie...

Highlanders vs Cheetahs - ek hoop wraggies nie Carl Hayman het TE sterk en groot geraak op sy oefen-(sorry reconditioning!!) kamp nie...... Die Highlanders is wel die dunste NZ franchise, maar ek dink nog steeds hulle gaan die Cheetahs (blik)ore aansit... (Sorry Ivan! ek hoop julle bewys my verkeerd)

Highlanders met 7..

Force vs Sharks - Die koerante aan hierrie kant dink die Sharks het reeds "gepeak", en dat die nederlaag teen die Brumbies 'n "sign of things to come" was, maar ek dink nog steeds die Sharkies het te veel skietgoed voorlangs virrie Force. "Jetlag" behoort ook nie so 'n groot faktor te wees nie, want dis maar 'n 9 of 11 ure vlug van Jo'burg af Perth toe...

Sharks met 7.

Chiefs vs Blues - Die kenners sal wil sê dat die Blues gewoonlik sukkel teen die manne van Hamilton, maar die Blues is 'n baie beter span hierrie jaar. So maklik soos dit.... Ek sien uit na die hierrie ene: Braid, Kaino en Macdonald teen Messam, Luaki en Holah.

Blues met 12...

Hurricanes vs Bulle - Die Hurricanes is rubbish... Hoekom sê ek so?? Omdat hulle getrap is deurie Stormers...

Laasweek se oorwinning teen die Highlanders, en die feit dat dit die laaste wedstryd op toer is, behoort genoeg motivering virrie Bulle te wees. Tel daarby die feit dat die Canes moes terugvlieg van SA af, en ek sien 'n Blou Saterrag wat vi Wellington wat voorlê.... (hoekom voel ek ewe skielik so naar?)

Bulle met 9..

Waratahs vs Crusaders - Verlede jaar was die Force die vloerlap vannie kompetisie. Hierrie jaar is dit die klomp wintgatte van Sydney se beurt (jy kan sien ek's verlig die Stormers kon hulle darem wen!!) Dinge kan seker nie k@kker in Waratah land nie, maar ek kan regtig nie sien hoe hulle die Crusaders kan upset nie... Hulle mis Matt Rogers, Phil Waugh, Phil Whitaker en Dan Vickermann maar net te kwaai..

Crusaders met 15..

lekker naweek

Big Pik

Baie byt...

Oraait, die afgelope naweek was nie so goed soos laasnaweek virrie SA spanne innie super 14 nie, maar nou ja.... Die Lions het gespeel teen 'n baaaaie goeie Blues span, ennie Stormers.... Well nou ja.... Ek willie nou al my bloeddruk opja nie, so ko ons praat maar laaste oor hulle vandag......

Wat mens wel ka sê, is "Well done Sharkies"..... en seker ook da maar "Well done Bulle...." (Again, ek sal seker weer innie stort moet ga huil oor daai laaste comment vanaand....)

Sommige kenners sal seker ka moan oorie feit dat die Sharks nog nie 'n bonsupunt verwerf het na 5 rondtes nie, ma ten minste is hulle nog unbeaten! (Die enigste span innie kompetisie, op hierrie stadium, may i add!) Ek's seker daarvan die "vanne Merwe grappe va Kaapstad" sal wat wil gee vi so 'n rekord.....
En oukei, hulle het miskien'n gunstige draw hierrie jaar, maar dit veranner niks aan die feit dat hulle tot dusver actually al hulle tuiswedstryde gewen hettie. (nogge rekord waarop die outjies va Kaapstad maar net oor ka droom....) Te veel spanne bank oppie "home ground advantage" deesdae, sonner enige sukses.
Ek lees baie mense beginne al te praat vannie Sharks se opkomende Australasië toer, en "dit sal interessant wees om te sien hoe hulle vaar", ma ek dink wee die volgende twee naweke gaan vital virrie Sharks se campaign wees. Die Canes ennie Brampies lê nog voor, pappas! En dis twee wedstryde wat die Sharks kan en MOET wen. Maakie saak wat die mees stoere Canes of Brampie supporter vi jou wil laat glo nie, maar albei spanne was maar "average" gewees tot dusver hierrie seisoen. (Die Canes is after all afgeslag deurie Stormers in NZ, so enough said..... )En alhoewel die Brampies weer Vrydagaand virrie Stormers op hulle neuse laat kyk het, wonner ek net hoe op dees aarde hulle NIE die bonuspunt drie kon verwerf het teen 'n Stormers span wat omtrent so effektief oppie verdediging was as DjyPie Nel se teenwoordigheid by 'n "Help jou naaste" saamtrek....
Mortlock was op sy inspiring best teenie Stormers, maar Julian Huxley is nou maar nie Stephen Larkham nie.... (alhoewel hy verseker probeer om net soveel pleisters op te plak as Larkham...) En sorry, ma sonner Larkham impress hulle my steeds nie. (Is is dit blote toeval dat hulle sonner menere Mortlock en Larkham omtrent geen drieë kon druk nie? I think not.......)

Dan die Canes: Ek weet hulle spog met spelers soos Tana, Nonu, Conrad Smith, die opwindende David Smith en Corey Jane in hulle agterlyn, ma hulle was noggie regtig kookwater tot dusver nie....Hulle was baaaaie gelukkig om te wen teenie Brampies, en het amper danksy Mark Lawrence ook gewen teenie Force laasnaweek. Plus, het ek al genoem dat hulle opgesaag is deurie Stormers die anner dag????? En jaaa, ek weet die terugkoms va hulle All Blacks spelers gaan 'n verskil maak voorlangs, maar dit kan reeds dalk al 'n geval wees va "too little, too late".... (weet ook noggie wanneer Jerry en co hulle actual terugkeer ga maakie.... Dalk feature hulle nog nie eers teenie Sharks nie?) Ek weetie hoekom nie, maar ek dink net die Sharks behoort hulle te klap hierrie naweek... (sorry Smittie: ek mag dalk sopas die "curse of Big Pik" op julle gesit het.....)

Da moet ek seker ook iets (nice) sê oorie Bulle........ Kyk, virre span wat traditionally nervous en homesick raak tydens die busrit vannie hotel na Loftus toe oppe Saterrag, om back to back oorwinnings in Aussie te behaal, moet ek seker maar sê welgedaan..... Net jammer DjyPie het (weereens) 'n breindood oomblik beleef. Sy skorsing van 3 wedstryde ka julle dalk nog duur te staan kom oorie volgende paar weke...

Die Lions is ook terug moeder Aarde toe gebring na hulle nederlaag teenie Blues. Dit was nou soos ou Jake sê 'n geval va "matrics against std 6'ers"... Ek's baie verras met hulle resultate tot dusver, maar ek's net bang hulle wiele kom nou af.. Hierrie naweek lê die Chiefs ook nog vi hulle en wag, en ongelukkig issie Chiefs due 'n wen virre slag.. Ek ka maar net hoop die jong, onbekende Leeus kruip nie nou in hulle dop, en dat die Cats wee hulle verskyning maak virrie res vannie toernooi nie.....

Die Cheetahs issie SA span (naas die Stormers natuurlik) wat my die meeste bekommer oppie oomblik. Die nederlaag teenie Crusaders, ennie gelykop uitslag teenie Chiefs het Rassie ennie manne kwaai seergemaak.. Hulle oorsese toer lê ook nog voor....

Dan laaste kom ons byrrie Stormers.... Hulle is die span wat nuwe betekenis aan die woord "inconsistent" gee tot dusver (vi nogge jaar!!!!) Ek is seker ou Kobus moet maar saam met my begin werk soek.. (alhoewel ek hom nie vir alles sal blameer nie.. Hier moet die spelers ook hulle hanne 'n slag opsteek!) Daar's groooot fout in daai hele setup!
Ek voorspel egter die volgende sal gebeur hierrie week: Die media wat vi Kobus, Luke en co (met reg!!) 'n harre tyd wee gee.. Kobus wat sê "we're going back to basics".... Jean, of een of anner mede superster innie backline wat vi almal wil vertel "alles is noggie verlore nie", of "die gees is fantasties", "ons hoop om ons onnersteuners trots te maak".. Dan Saterrag verras hulle maar weer vriend en vyand en laat sê die Waratahs les op... en dan's Kobus maar weer "safe" vir nogge 'n week... Ongelukkig sallit nie wees omdat hulle uiteindelik hulle vinger uit hulle you-know-what getrek het nie, maar net omdat die Waratahs nog meer innie k@k assie Stormers oppie oomblik is.. Hulle mis vi Matt Rogers, Phil Waugh en Dan Vickermann.. Tiquiri se mindgames mettie ARU help ook nie juis nie, en lyk my hulle supporters het ook vinnger moed opgegee assie Stormers s'n, na hulle geploeter teenie Force ennie Bulle..... En, dan dink die Stormers hulle het dinge moeilik..

cheersie
ek-bly-ongelukkig-nog-allie-pad-'n-Stormer Pik

Dear Daairie......

Kobus vanne Merwe - a.k.a "Super Coach":

Dear Daairie,
Ek's effe bekommerd vandag.. Vroulief het laat weet die videomasjien het gisteraand gebreek, en sy weetie of sy hierrie Sondag die 7de Laan omnibus vir my kan tape nie. Agge nee!! Ek kan mos onmoontlik nie my gunsteling program mis nie!! Maar nou ja..... "always look at the bright side, i suppose...." Dis seker darem ook nie die einde vannie wêreld nie... Ek meen, ek kon 'n mislukking as 'n coach gewees het, met 'n misrabele rekord soos 4 uit 17....

Bolla "pass the dutchie" Conradie

Dear Daairie,

Coach sê "express yourself", en ons moet net aanhou ons natural game speel op hierrie toer. So, dalk kan ons hierrie naweek my dubbel-trippel-dissie-juis-vi-iemand-in-besonder-nie skiep pass probeer!! Ek werk al lank aan daai ene! Oooh, as hy actually gaan afkom, gaan dit seriously spectacular lyk.....

Jean "butterfingers" de Villiers

Dear Daairie,

Vandag was baie tough... Nie net het ek 'n "bad hairday" gehad nie, coach het my ook nog 14h00 laat opstaan om te rapporteer by die oefenveld.. Ek moet sê, ek het eers gedink hy joke met my!! I mean, come on!! Ek's 'n Springbok!!! Vi wat moet ek my tyd mors met oefeninge??? Maar, nou ja..... Ek het toe maar op die ou einde besluit om te gaan. Bolla het hierrie hiper cool skiep move aan ons verduidelik wat ons beslis die naweek wil probeer... Maar, ag wat... Dalk het ons dit nie eers nodig nie, ek hoef dalk net weer 'n onnerskep drie te druk....

Lost

Howzit peepilz!!!

Just in case we haven't spoken to each other in a while: "Happy, New Year!!!" I really hope your favourite rugby team(s) will provide you with happy memories in 2007. (please note: this obviously does NOT apply to you Blue Bull supporters out there... Gmf... Did you really think "to be nice" were one of my new years resolutions??????)

I have to say one thing I have noticed now that the holiday season is officially something of the past, is the return of my favourite tv programs at night on the telly. And all of that got me thinking a bit: With all the drama (and sometimes comedy!) in SA Rugby, it really does remind me of television sometimes....

The Bulls remind me of Shortland Street: Sure, the story line is predictable, the acting is cr@p, and the whole setup just makes you cringe at the best of times, BUT it's popular... And even if you do watch an episode here and there, you'll never ever admit that to your mates in public.
So, how about the Bulls on the rugby field? You KNOW they'll drive it up 5 metres from the line... You know they'll play the Blue Bull song over and over again.... You know Gary Botha and Victor Matfield can't do an interview in English.... But, even if they are better than Western Province, you'll NEVER admit to that in public!!!!

Next up are the Cheetahs. They're like a really "feel good", "cheesy" program. Something like Ugly Betty... Let's face it: Betty's not really what you can call a hottie, but she's a hard worker, and has "such a nice personality"....
The Cheetahs aren't the flashiest team in the world and their players aren't exactly known for their lucrative modelling contracts off the field. They are, well..... just rugby players!! But 3 consecutive Currie Cup finals in 3 years isn't something we take lightly in the Republic... And, who'll ever forget the "come from behind victory against the Bulls in 2005? If that's not "feel good", I don't know!!!

The Lions remind me of Prison Break... "What could possibly go wrong next????" Even if Schofield manages to dodge a bullet during this week's episode, you just know trouble will be not too far away....
On paper the Lions look a bit on the thin side. Serious injuries to their key players, Andre Pretorius and Jaques Fourie, and they're in deep trouble. And let's face it: Those two have been plagued by injury lately, so Lions fans already expect the worst.......

The Sharks, with SA rugby's "forgotten boys", Bob Skinstad and Percy Montgomery, remind me of Boston Legal. Or, let's rather say James Spader and William Shatner in particular. Both actors made a very memorable and succesful comeback with the show. For Bobby's sake I hope his comeback isn't as embarrassing as Sly Stallone's latest instalment of Rocky..........

And then, of course, we have my beloved Stormers. They remind me of the season finale(s) of Lost.... So much promises before hand of "all your questions will be answered, or "this is the one you've been waiting for", but at the end of it, you just feel more and more confused, and if you really think about it: absolutely nothing happened!! What a disappointment!!!

I really hope you don't disappointment me this year, Stormers!!!

cheersie
Big Pik

Ek het julle nou genoeg gedra....

Oy, Jake!

Don't worry: Ek gaanie soosie res va hulle vinger wys oor julle defense laas naweek nie.... Want, let's face it: da WASSIE FAKKA defense nie!!!

Maar, ek's seker weer te taf op julle... Of course is daar "a lot of positves we can take from this defeat"..... 2 jaar terug het julle naelskraap verloor teenie Paddies, hierrie keer is ons behoorlik afgeransel! Ten minste kan niemand sê Bok rugby stagneer nie...

Ek wonner maar net WAT presies julle gedoen het op daai "oefenkamp" nourriedag? Jy weet, die een na die Tri Nations.. As ek julle nou moet judge na Saterrag se fiasko, glo ek egter nie daar's veel rugby gepraat op daai kamp nie.... Nee wat: glo eerder Habana en Jeanius het ure oppie internet spandeer om te check wa die hot spots in Parys, Nice of Biarritz is om uit te hang vlge jaar innie World Cup, i.p.v om te worry oor verdedigingslyne, etc, etc....

Ten minste het Ricky Januarie daai ekstra spietkopklasse waarop jy hom gestuur het, ernstig opgeneem!! Kyk, hy kan darem nou vi jou behoorlik waai met sy arms om vi sy forwards (ennie opposition for that matter...) te beduie wa presies die bal lê... Dis tog vi my net so hartseer da was omtrent nooit 'n voorspeler in sig wat hom ko help ommie rucks skoon te maak nie.... Nee: jy glo mos net in ball carrying losvoorspelers!! Die val toe behoorlik oor mekaar se voete, om betyds terug te wees, ommie " bal te dra" vi jou.... Die gevolg is/was dan 'n turnover, of super starrige bal vi ons backs.....Note to Joke: Jy kannie 'n ball carrier wees sonner die ball in jou hanne nie, jou doo$"......

Ma' oukei, genoeg gegil oor die Ierland toets..... Wat help dit ook ek raas? Jy mosse eks-onnerwyser, en julle's mos nooit verkeerd nie.....

Komende Saterrag issit wee julle ennie Twickenham-faktor... Al wat ek ka sê is "STERKTE". Argentinië het jou ookie juis favours gedoen met hulle upset victory nie... Ek's ma' net bly ek's nie mee in London nie.... Cabbage Patch en Rugby Tavern da naby Twickenham sou weer baie bier aan my moes verkoop het ommie pyn minner te maak... En, text my ma' die score, want ek gaan ook nie moeite doen om op te staan virrie toets nie.... (jaaa, jy't reg gehoor, ou Joke...)

Ek sluit af met 'n paar van my gunsteling Jake'isms hierrie week:
"Brian only had 5 days to settle into the squad"....... mmmmmmmm..... snaaks hoe 'n speler wat al 2 jaar lank deel vannie set up is, nie genoeg tyd gehad het nie.... Ironies genoeg het Argentinië net 4 dae se voorbereiding nodig gehad om vi Engeland op te neuk....
"We're lacking height in the back 3"......... beteken dit ons gaan vi Johan Ackermann dalk op fullback sien hierrie week? Nee, dis absurd: dit sal beteken jy kies 'n speler uit posisie.....
"We're working towards winning the World Cup next year"....... ooops, dit wassie jy nie, dit was Graham Henry wat dit gesê het....

tjars
Big Pik

"Hy's net 'n dronk pampoen......"

Ai, wassit nie lekker omme slag biejie laaif Karrie Kap rugby te kykkie!!! Ek en Vlammie was behoorlik opgesaaik, en opgewonne!! Klokslag 01h30 Sondagoggend skakel Sky se Rugby Channel mos toe oor Moftus Versfeld toe.. Laf-lie blue skies wat ons begroet, mette volgepakte stadion!! AAah, rugby-voetbal innie Republiek.... Good times!!
Dit het egter net 5 sekondes geduur om my te laat besef hoekom ek gewoonlik spuitpoep ontwikkel as jy die woorde "blou" en "bul" mix innie selle sentence....
First up was Pretoria se trots: the one, the only - Steve Dofmeyer!!!!!! "Daarsy, lekker....mense!! Sing saam, julle almal ken hierdie ene!" begin hy... Net jammer Stevie het nie besluit om liefs te "mime" terwyl sy "The best of" cd oorie luidsprekers blêr nie! Steve, so bietjie advies: AS jy weer 'n gig by Loftus kry (en let's face it, hy SAL, want daar's niemand anners wat verniet daar wil optree nie!!!!), ennie Red Hearts is oppie huis, moet jy net pace ou grote!! Help nie jy vergryp jouself aanie free alkoholiese nibbles nie! Die eindresultaat sal weer net presies dieselle wees as laas Saterrag: Jy wat vals en vannie beat af traai karaoke op jou eie faktap song, net om innie middel va jou effort te besef dis ma beter om eerder te mime!!! (use it, don't use it....)

Maar: volpunte aanie Blou Bul rugby-unie!! Ek kannie sê dit was nie entertaining nie. Ook, die "personal touch", om Steve se naam op sy trui te sit... How original and innovating!!!! Dit het seker gehelp later die aand toe ou Steve nie meer in staat was om sy naam te kan onthou nie.....

But, after all was daar actually rugby gespeel Saterragmirrag op Moftus! Ek hoor sommige Province supporters is unhappy met Marius Jonker se hantering vannie game... "Waar wassie geel kaarte virrie Bulle se repeated offenders?"... "Hoeveel keer het hy hulle nie gewaarsku nie?" Kom nou ouens, moenie so ongevoelig wees nie!!! Dalk het Gary en co bloot nie verstaan wat hy bedoel het nie! Ek meen, Gary het sy victory speech in Afrikaans gedoen na die tyd, so dalk verstaan hy/hulle nie die Engels so lekker nie....

Maar, ons moet seker congrats sê virrie Bulle.... Die beter span het gewen oppie dag... (oukei, sal weer innie stort huil vanaand oor daai comment...)

So, dit bring ons by komende Saterrag se finaal: Dit kom nou seker as 'n massive shock vi julle almal, maar ek hoop die Cheetahs trek hom deur!! Of dit egter moontlik gaan wees, weet ek nie so lekker nie....

But, for what it's worth: Prooooooooooooooovince!! Die Karrie Kap kom weeeee!

"Yo Big Pik - I did it!!"

Ja, chaaina!! I did it!! 21 - 20 was good enough to convince the idiotic SA public and media we're on the way to win the World Cup! Whoohoo!!
All I had to do, was to ask at the press conference: "Name the 1 team who has beaten the AB's on two occasions over the last year?"...... (note to self: remember to thank Smittie for helping me remind the public and media about that one...)

I mean, it's not as if Rodney Snot-Koala gifted us with 10 points.. Or, their line out codes were hard to crack.... Or, as if they had the Tri Nations wrapped up ages ago.... Come on!! SA rugby supporters should be greatful for the win!

Pik, you asked me to change the team, and I delivered. Ok, the fact that injuries forced my hand, and I had no choice left but to call on Pedrie and AJ, doesn't matter.... They played really well, but I honestly can't tell you if they'll be included in the squad for the end of year tour. As you know, I don't just hand out Bok blazers! It's bloory expensive!! What about the injured stars, Pedrie and AJ had to replace at such short notice?? Danie Rossouw will be back to full fitness in a couple of weeks, and I know what he has to offer as a loose forward.. I mean, can AJ play lock? Plus, I was tempted to play Albert at 7 in Pretoria the other week. I read somewhere he played flank for Griquas in 1997...

The catch phrase of the week, is "CONTINUITY", Big Pik!! Remember!! And that's exactly why I decided to pick Wynand completely out of position for this weekend's game. He was part of the winning team last weekend, so he deserves to start again tomorrow!! So what if he's playing out of position?? Just be glad Os recovered in time from his injury....
I mean, just to show everyone who's boss, and to mess a little bit more with him, I asked Brent Russell to join the squad in the beginning of the week. But I knew from the start I didn't really feel like including him in the team. So, we released him again yesterday, and he'll be playing Currie Cup rugby instead this weekend. I mean, why play him?? Has he ever scored a try for the Boks at wing?? Or, has he ever ripped the Aussie defence apart before? ?????? After all: Making him stay behind class seemed to have done the trick, 'cause Breyten had a haircut and I've decided to include him instead...
Now, I've included that Pietersen laaitie as well this week... I'm a bit nervous, 'cause I know what we have in Percy at fullback, you know... I hope he is half as good as you keep telling me!!

Ok, gotta run ou Pik... I have to make my way to a press conference now. I've decided to try a different approach this week, to unrattle the Wallabies: Think I'll tell the press that "we're going to target them up front".....

Your coach
Joke

Dertigduisend 5 inne ry!!!!!

Hi Joke,

Jissie, ou grote!!! Hoe voellit om te kan sê "ons het hom!!!" I trust a congratulations is in order? Ek moes innie argiewe gaat krap het om te sien wanneer laas ons die "dertigduisend 5 inne ry" gewen het!! Apparantly wassit laas innie 60's wat die Bokkies 5 inne ry verloor het... Well done, bra!! Ek glo virre coach wat lief is ommie stats aan te haal op perskonferensies, is hierrie seker die altemit!! (note to Jake: Selfs nie eers Dolfie het 5 inne ry verloor nie.... Miskien moet jy ook maar die manne laat poedelnakend in damme rondhardloop...)

Ek willie op jou begin gil nie, maar ek weetie meer WAT om vi jou te skryf, bloot om jou net te oorreed om jou maaind te tjains nie!!! Wanneer gaat JY agterkom dit help nie om die hele mirrag dryfings te probeer speel teenie All Blacks nie... Ek meen, vat nou maar 'n leaf uit Nelly Furtarded se boek: Sy't agtergekom dissie meer cool om "like a bird" rond te vlieg nie, en het besef al hoe sy haar dodgy stembande verder gaan kan bemark, is om ook maar soos 'n skamelgeklede staatstmatras oppie tievie rond te spring soosie res va hulle..... Daarmee bedoel ek nou NIE Jacques Cronje moet sy klere begin uitttrek as ons die National Anthem sing voorie game nie, ek bedoel eintlik net jy moet so bietjie ons tactics hersien!!!! Hel, is dit werklik so ingewikkeld??

En, yes, ek weet: "know me before you judge me", maar as jy aan depressie lei, of verslaaf is aan P, of alkoholiese versnapperinge, moet jy met iemand beginne praat daaroor!! Jy raak net weirder, en weirder byrrie dag!!! Jy sê nog laasweek Solly is die beste 6 innie land, maar jy haal hom vannie veld af na net 47 minute.... Wow!! Ruan issie beste skrumhalf innie land (and so say all of us...), maar hy kry 15 minute op fullback? Onthou, hy's R-U-A-N, en nie G-Y-S-I-E Pienaar nie!! Wat's next??? Brent Russell wat uitdraf op loskopstut, of JP Pietersen wat sy debuut maak op agsteman??

Ek weetie meer nie, Joke..... As julle Saterrag weer dieselle prut opdis teenie Blackies, laat jy my geen keuse nie...Ek en Daniël het solank die vorms beginne invul, ons dink daaraan om aan te sluit by Pt Zef se skaakklub, alhoewel hulle sê daar's lekkerder chicks byrrie dambord klub.... Julle laat ons geen keuse meer nie... 'n Grap isse grap, maar jy maakie 'n sambreel inne man se hol oopie... Jy's nie die een wat 01h00 oppe Sondagoggend moet luister na TJ, Mexted en Grant Nisbitt se kommentaar nie... Jy hoef ookie te hoor hoe Doug Howlett vir TJ tydens rustyd vertel "hy glo nie die Bokke kan 'n drie druk van 'n set move af nie".... Dissie so lekker nie!!!

So, ek smeek jou: Sluk jou pride, erken jou mistakes, en for five six: Tjaains jou game plan!!!!

Tjars

Big Pik

Luke, I'm not your father....

Dear Big Pik,

Eish, how unlucky were we last Saturday against the Wannabees?? I tell you, Pik: if only Percy had his kicking boots on..... But, not to worry!! I made him write out 10 000 times "I will never miss another kick in front of the sticks", plus he had to sit in the corner of the airplane on our way home, as his punishment!! Hopefully that taught him a lesson or two!!

Again, there are alot of positives we can take from our effort in Sydney!!! To start with:Wynand broke the world record (previously held by Yevgeny Knocknikov from Kazhakstan)for the quickest handling error in a test match!! (It only took him 1.0158 seconds to knock on, whereas Knocknikov took 9.0354 seconds!) We also managed to score some points against Australia, and, we actually scored 2 tries!!! What more can our supporters ask for, hey??

So, now we're back in the Republic! Alistair, Gert, Peter and I had a good chat about the tour in Aussie and NZ, and decided to make some changes to the squad: Relax, no wholesale changes!! Just some fine tuning! Remember, I've done enough experimenting so far this season... Breytie desperately needed a haircut, so I decided to release him... Jaco told me he needed to gain back his confidence, and expressed his desire to play some flowing, unstructured, running, winning rugby again, so I released him to go join the Bulls......

And yes: I heard your call to include Pienaar, so I delivered!! But, to be honest, I initially picked his dad, Gysie (he's a bit more experienced, you know...) to join us, but he told me he retired 22 years ago.. Remember Pik, I don't just hand out Bok caps...... Francois Pienaar wasn't interested in making a comeback either, so, in the end I had to opt for the young Pienaar... I just hope he's half as good as you say he is!!! Is he a record breaker/holder like Wynand? Can he sing like Eddie? Can he warm a bench like Shimmie, and can he carry a tackle bag like Brent Russell?? Only time will tell, I guess....

Ok, time for me to sign off, chaaina.. I still have 253 unread e-mails to attend to.. The next one in line is from Nick Mallett, nogals!!! What the hell do you think he wants from me??? my job?? (Hehehehe... note to self: never complain about the prices of tickets in public!) Oh well, e-mail says nothing really... He only attached the following link: www.picklukewatson.co.za .......

Keep it real

Jake

Whacko Jake-o...

Jis Jake,

Ek het maar gedink ek wag tot jy jou span bekend maak vir Saterragaand se toets voor ek iets sê hierrie week.... Maar maggies, ek kannie meer stilbly nie! Ouboet, ek vra maar nou die vraag wat die hele SA wil eintlik wil vra, maar te bang is, net omdat hulle nie sulke goeie vrinne soos ek en jy issie: Bra, het jy, Gertjie, Alistair en daai Pieter Jooste 'n "P-lab" beroof toe julle in Wellington was??? Want dinge lyk vi my bietjie deurmekaar as ek so na julle utilatings, beslissings luister!!! Of, is jy op enige medikasie waarvan ons nettie weet nie????

Ek verstaan as jy sê Eddie "add value" met sy pragtige sangstem!! Maar, hoekom het julle hom nie aangehits om eerder in te skryf vi NZ Idol, terwyl julle hier in NZ was die anner week nie??? Ek het Sondagaand so geloer na die 18 finaliste, en dissie juis iets om oor huis toe te skryf nie!!! Eddie kon gewen het!!! Maar nee... In plaas va oornag veranner inne pop aai-ril, moet ek nou sien hy't eerder geskuif vannie vasskopkant vannie skrum, na die loskop toe.... Ja, nee!! Dit maak sin!! Ek dag da hy's ons number 1 number 3??? (volg jy?) En ou Os moet nou so baie rugby speel, ek sal hommie kwalik neem as hy sy naam na hierrie trippie veranner na Op du Randt nie..... (en there I was under the impression julle gaat hom in watte toedraai vi volgende jaar se world cup.... )
en Jaco is ook wee oppie bench.. Ga hy vi ons die game probeer wen mette dropgoal vanuit sy kwartgebied uit?? Eish!! Darem jammer Paul Honiss het nie geval virrit nie! Ek meen, dit het sooooooooo genuine gelyk!! En, sy tantrum na die tyd, plaas hom seker in lyn virre Oscar hierrie jaar!! Laat my partykeer wonner wat hulle actually maak as hulle veronnerstel is om te oefen....

Maar, oukei.. Ekkit seker nou genoeg gemoan... Ek sal eerder nie die feit noem dat da nie plek oppie bench is vi Brent Russell of JP Pietersen nie... Hel, hulle het ka seker nou behoorlik duiksakke ronddra na die 5 weke in Aussie en NZ.....
Ten minste het Danie Coetzee 'n spier getrek toe hy yskas toe gestap het om vi jou 'n bier te loop fetch....

Oukei, tyd vi my om te groet.. Hoop dit gaan oukei Saterragaand... Ek sal my seker ma weer moet oorgee aanie Speights teen halftyd....

ps - Province wen nog steeds... Luke het al weer gescore, en lei die mannetjies baie mooi! Ma, dit weet ons mos nou al lankal al...
Ek lees ook jy sê "jy's nie geworry oor Percy se skoppe nie.... Great stuff!!! Ruan het die anner dag ma 5 uit 10 geskop teenie Bulle, so ek's seker hy's NET wa jy soek!!

Big Pik

The Brisbane 49'ers...

Dear Big Pik,

Sorry it's taken me so long to reply to your letters. Just that I've been super busy lately, with all the planning, etc I have to put into the Boks' game plan, on a weekly basis, you know.....

So.... Saturday night was a bit of an unexpected mishap... No need to panic, though! Just a bad night at the office! You can't expect to win every test match, I say! I keep trying to convince those fools in the media, that there are indeed some positives we as a team can take from our effort in Brisbane! To start off with: We turned up on time for the match! Also, I think we looked a lot smarter and sharper in or track suits, than the Wallabies for instance! Our singing of the National anthem, also has to be applauded! People ask me what Danie Coetzee, Eddie Andrews and Albert van den Bergh are doing in the squad. Just listen to them sing, I tell you!!! You can't underestimate the value of a good singer in test match rugby these days! It's where it all starts!! You can't win without a decent singer. That's the key to winning the world cup!

And, that bloody Paul Honiss!! I mean, surely the dumb SA public will continue to blame HIM if our team performs dismally on the day!!! Come on, he robbed us in 2004 against the Irish, and I'm pretty sure if I keep reminding Joe Public about that, they'll let me off the hook! (note to self: remind Smittie to have a go at him at the next press conference... again!)
I tell you, Pik, those bloody vultures in the media aren't making it easy for me! Again I have to listen to "how dirty we are". I mean, they mention the incident when Ricky put his fingers in Stirling's mouth... I'll tell you in my best Jeppe English, Ricky assured me he washed his hands before the start of the match!! What more can I say?? I am not the coach of a dirty rugby team!! I won't stand for that!! Personal hygiene is a priority for us!!

o ja, before I forget: I've made sure all newspapers are banned from our hotel, so I don't have a clue as to what happened over the weekend in the Currie Cup. (If they can't say anything postive about us, why the hell buy the bloody newspapers, I say!!) Scores, ou Pik? I sure as hell hope that Watson laaitie didn't play another blinder.... He's not exactly making things easy for me, you know.... So, I hope Province got pumped at Newlands!!! All this talk about Watson is making me mad, ou Pik! And, again the monsters in the media seem to remember every bloody comment I've made so far... The last one that came back to haunt me, is the fact that "he's too small for international rugby". Dêmmit, I was as surprised as you to see he weighs a bit more than Solly in the newspaper the other day! How the hell was I supposed to know that!! So, when we arrived in Brisbane, I decided it's time to fix that!! I put Solly on an intense conditioning program (hence the reason he didn't "featcher" in Brisbane) He's been at Hungry Jacks every day so far!! And, it's paying off: The guy's picked up about 5 kgs already! We'll show them!!! He's going to be my "secret weapon" against the Blackies!

Ok, chaaina, time for me to sign off. Loads to do still before Saturday's test match! And, of course I still remember about the tickets! Funny thing, I even have 40 extra tickets available now! Seems like some of the old toppies on the organised supporters' tours, decided to cancel the Wellington trip... Can you believe it?
Oraait, I'll see you in the hotel lobby then on Saturday morning. Remember to bring that video!!

Best Regards
Jake Shyte